Wearing the Red Hood

Chapter 16:

This chapter is dedicated to @BeachedWhale Thank you for following me!!! <3 

Jason

Razel was hugging me.

Again.

After waking up disoriented from my nightmare, it was hard to process that she was clinging to me and cradles in my arms. But now that I was wide awake and finished with telling her my story, I was well aware of how she wrapped her arms around my waist and cried silently.

I didn't like seeing her crying. It did things to me I couldn't understand. It made this ache in my chest start, much worse than the feeling of getting hit with a crowbar by Joker across my ribs. When she had calmed down enough, I gently unwrapped her arms from around my waist and put a bit of space between us.

I had to constantly remind myself that she didn't belong with me. She was already with someone else. And I wasn't good for her anyway. But the fact that she didn't run away from me after I told her my past was a relief. I didn't know what I would do if she ever decided she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I didn't want her afraid of me. I wanted the little time we had together to be like it was yesterday, when we were having a good time at Burger King. I knew that when all of this was over, I probably wouldn't see her again.

"You should probably get down to breakfast," I told her as she wiped the tear stains from her face. "Asteria is probably waiting there."

"What about you?" she asked, her brown eyes shining with concern as she frowned at me.

I couldn't help it. A small smile found its way to my lips, because she was just so... adorable. "I'll follow after you. I want to take a shower."

She looked dubious as she chewed on her lip, but she finally nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later."

I watched her as she carefully slid off the bed and quietly made her way towards the door. With one last glance at me, she opened it and disappeared outside the room. When the door finally clicked shut behind her, I plopped back onto the bed. The exhaustion was overwhelming.

I hadn't had a nightmare in so long, I forgot how real it felt every time I was forced to relive my dark past. Annoyingly, I knew it was Damian's fault for bringing it up last night during the movie that brought the nightmare on. My hands clenched into fists as I thought about pounding him. But I tried to relax when I realized I was only projecting my anger out on him.

It wasn't his fault I had crappy parents, almost no childhood and that the Joker decided it would be 'fun' to kill me. Hell, Damian was probably in diapers then. The kid just happened to be an idiot for bringing it up. And the movie didn't help either.

But somehow, I felt different. Almost like... the weight it usually had on me had lessened. Was it because I told Razel? I honestly hadn't planned on it. In fact, when she asked me if I wanted to talk about it, all I could think of was running away and hiding in my room 'til she gave up on asking so many questions. The only thing that stopped me was Asteria's advice ringing in my head.

Asteria told me to trust people more, to pen up to them like I did with her. Though if I was being completely truthful, I also told Razel because I wanted her to see me. The real me. I remember her asking if I had a multiple personality disorder, but if she only knew that the real reason for my ever changing personality was so people wouldn't be able to know the real me. With Razel, I wanted things to be different.

People hide all the time. I knew it wasn't just me. Everyone knows what it's like to wear a mask. That's why the hard part of truly caring about someone is trusting them enough to remove that mask. It's like the superhero equivalent of revealing your secret identity. And Razel knew my secret identity. Not just that I was Red Hood. No. She knew what made me Jason Todd. And I was still trying to decide if that was a good thing now.