Speak [ phan ]

chapter eight

***

The sun is shining onto Dan's eyes, rousing him out of his comfortable sleep.

Dan groans, rolling over but once his brain becomes less foggy, he realises that it's Sunday. Dan springs up and rolls over to the other side of his queen sized bed, picking his phone up off his black bedside table.

10:26 a.m.

Connor's plane is arriving at 11 a.m., that's in thirty four minutes, Dan works out. He jumps out of bed, showering quickly and pulling on jeans, but he chooses to wear a patterned white and green shirt.

He drags his straightener through his fringe and slips on some shoes before he heads downstairs, in a relatively good mood.

"Dan! Finally, grab some breakfast and then we have to go to the airport!" his mum says when she spots him walking into the kitchen.

Dan pours himself a bowl of cereal, wolfing it down and shoving the dish in the half full dishwasher.

"Are you going to get Connor?" Quinn asks, running into the kitchen.

Dan nods, smiling down at his twelve year old brother before his mum yells out. "Dan we're going to be late!"

Dan ruffles Quinn's hair before jogging out the front door to the car, where his mum is waiting for him to get in. Dan buckles his seatbelt as his mum backs out, driving towards the airport and hope for a better next two months.

The airport arrivals is packed. People are everywhere, but Connor is no where in sight. His mum is parked further up, and sent Dan to go fight the crowds in search of his friend. The electronic board inside said Connor's flight has landed and disembarked already, so where the hell is he?

"Hey nerd!" a familiar, cheery voice calls out, "fancy seeing you here."

Dan spins to see Connor standing behind him, wearing his usual, tumblr inspired outfit, a large suitcase beside him and a old-style film camera hanging around his neck.

Dan grins, unable to stop it from spreading across his whole face, he can't help it, after the week of hell he's just been through, he couldn't be happier to see his best friend.

"I missed you so much, I can't wait to meet your new friends. Can't believe you're replacing me though." Connor jokes, nudging Dan's side with his elbow, grinning.

As they walk back towards the car, Connor rambles on and on about anything and everything, knowing how much Dan hates silences. Dan smiles down at his significantly shorter friend.

"Stop looking down at the top of my head," Connor scowls, looking up at Dan, "it's not my fault I'm vertically challenged."

Dan grins, snorting at his friend. When they arrive at the car, Connor struggles to lift his own suitcase, so Dan tries to help, but Connor swims whereas Dan uses his laptop, so the strongest muscles he has are probably his fingers, from clicking and scrolling, so all in all, Dan doesn't help very much.

"It's nice to see you Connor," Dan's mum says as they both get in the back seat together, "we've missed you."

"Nice to see you too Julie." Connor smiles, he's always gotten along well with all of Dan's family, well, minus his dad of course.

"Dan's been looking forward to your visit. We're so happy to see you again, it's been such a long time." Dan's mum gushes to Connor, smiling back at the boy.

As Connor and his mum constantly chat on the way home, laughing and catching up on life, Dan can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Despite what his mother says, he knows she'd prefer Connor as a son, he can see it in her eyes. Dan knows his mum loves him, but he knows she wishes she could show Dan off, like you could show off Connor. There's nothing great about a mute kid with no talent and mediocre grades.

"I can't wait to meet all your new friends at school!" Connor sighs happily as they lie in Dan's room that night.

They set Connor up a bed, but seeing as they don't have another spare room, Connor is sleeping in with Dan, which they honestly don't mind.

Dan can't wait for them to meet Connor, he knows they'll love him, but he can't help but worry if they'll like him a little too much. Connor slots into friendship groups a lot easier than Dan does, he always has and always will.

Dan knows his friends all like him, but there's always that selfish feeling inside which wants to be liked the most.

___

"Dan wake up!" Connor says, shaking Dan's shoulders rather violently, making the poor boy immediately jump up.

He scowls at Connor when he sees him grinning down at him, letting him know that he's not in the mood for anything except sleep.

"C'mon Dan, we can't be late," Connor says, walking to the door, "I'll meet you downstairs."

He disappears down the hallway, leaving Dan sitting up in bed, his hair a horrendous, slightly curly mess, and his eyes tired and sticking together with sleep. He hauls himself out of bed and saunters down the hallway, going downstairs to find Connor in the kitchen already.

"Look who's finally up!" Connor says, raising an eyebrow as Dan glares at him, not in the mood for Connor's permanently cheery voice.

Dan eats a bowl of cereal before he heads upstairs to get ready, showering, pulling on his black jeans and a printed t shirt before straightening out his fringe.

"Lets go!" Connor says, appearing in the bathroom doorway, dressed in black converses, black jeans, a grey sweater and his hair hidden under a grey beanie.

Connor chats all the way to school about how excited he is to meet new people. Connor has always been about interacting and being social, it's honestly a wonder how they're friends, but nevertheless, Dan loves his friend to death, sometimes literally.

After stopping by the office for Connor to pick up his locker number and timetable, he follows Dan to where Phil, Zoe, Alfie, Joe and Caspar are currently sitting at the table under the tree.

"Dan!" Phil grins, waving at him when he catches sight of his tall, brunette friend, "is that Connor?"

"Yeah, hi, I'm Connor, Dan's friend from America." Connor grins, looking around the table at them.

They all introduce themselves and soon start up a conversation, Connor instantly clicking with them all, just like Dan predicted. He's happy they all get along, it would be a lot worse if they didn't get on at all, he just doesn't want to feel left out again.

"You okay?" Phil asks, nudging Dan's leg with his knee, his blue eyes questioning.

Dan nods, trying to give Phil a convincing smile, but he doesn't think it works, because Phil just looks at Dan like he's a complicated math equation.

"Look Dan, I know what you're worried about, I can tell, but Connor won't replace you in our group," Phil says, grinning at Dan when he sees Dan's shocked expression, "there's only room for one Dan Howell in our group and it's you."

Dan gives Phil a small smile, he knows Phil is being genuine, and means well, but what he doesn't know is that this has happened to Dan before. These things happen, and not always on purpose. Sometimes people don't even realise the damage they're causing, and that's the most dangerous thing of all.

"Everything can only get better from here'" Phil says encouragingly, meaning well but Dan knows he's lying.

Phil can't promise that, he can't promise anything. Dan hopes things will only get better, but he knows he's kidding himself is he believes it. Dan knows that as long as his father is around, the future will be dark.

Dan's life is slowly shattering, he knows it, but maybe now that Connor is here, that will slow down. But no matter what, the cracks inside him keep growing deeper, and there's nothing he can do about it.

There's nothing anyone can do about it unless Dan finds enough of a voice to tell someone. But he won't,

Speaking out is always something he's struggled tremendously with, something which may backfire on him terribly.

___

AN: hi! sorry it's kind of short, but I wanted to update! Thanks so much for 300 reads! Please also vote, comment and share! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

:D