Speak [ phan ]

chapter twenty one

***

Dan is getting better.

He has his friends by his side, Connor for the rest of the week before he flies back, he has Phil back, and he has his other close friends around him. He feels loved.

"I'm gonna miss here," Connor says, looking around as they sit outside in Dan's backyard on the grass - one of Connor's favourite pastimes, "but there's nothing like the American sunshine. I'm losing my tan!"

"Don't talk to me about not having a tan," Phil's voice cuts in, startling Dan and Connor, making them jump.

"Woah you scared me Phil!" Connor exclaims, clutching his chest, "way to give a guy a heart attack. Rude."

"Sorry Connor, I'm just so amazing that it's terrifying," Phil smirks, flopping down onto the grass next to Dan.

"You wish," Connor scoffs, "anyway, be quiet, we're cloud gazing with our thoughts. It's a very peaceful, beneficial exercise."

"Okay tumblr, but me and being quiet don't exactly mix, you know that, I can't shut up to save my life," Phil rambles, lying back and looking at the sky with them, "I never really run out of words to say, you know I just keep going and going and going..."

"Phil..." Connor says.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry," Phil says, grinning sheepishly, closing his mouth and averting his gaze to the sky.

Dan looks sideways at Phil. They're close, not just physically but emotionally as well. Dan feels as if he's known Phil forever, and can tell him anything. They've pushed their fight behind them, and neither of them have mentioned the kiss. However, Dan would be lying us he said he didn't regularly think of the kiss, even though he didn't respond.

Phil looks so peaceful, lying back, his bright, blue eyes directed at the sky, reflecting the sun, his skin pale and glistening and a soft smile on his lips. It takes Dan a while to realise that Phil is now looking back at him.

"What are you looking at?" Phil asks cheekily, his voice a whisper so he doesn't disturb Connor, "I know I'm sexy."

Dan grins at Phil, blushing and looking down at the grass, where their hands are resting next to each others. Dan gets the urge to intertwine their fingers, just to feel Phil's hand in his. He sighs, looking away and closing his eyes. Dan knows that he loves Phil, but not like he loves Connor - it's the feeling when you're with the person you just feel comfortable. The person becomes your rock, your home and a part of you; when you can't imagine your life without them.

And that was what Phil felt like to Dan. That scared Dan in so many ways that he couldn't count them. What if Phil didn't like him back? Was he gay? He's never been in a relationship before. What now? What's his thoughts? Dan just felt overwhelmed.

His heart picks up pace suddenly, and Dan doesn't realise why until he feels a hand slip into his own, a small spark traveling up his arm where Phil's skin touches his own. Phil squeezes his hand gently, and Dan finally manages to gain the courage to look sideways, straight into Phil's eyes.

Even though no words are spoken, in the gaze exchanged, they both know that they feel the same thing. Phil's eyes search Dan's own. They both have these stupid, small grins on their lips and they have their hands intertwined.

Dan feels happy, but then he remembers his mother, and the smile falls straight off his face and into the depths of a volcano. He feels guilty to feel happy, and Phil seems to realise this as he grips Dan's hand even tighter.