The Life Of Trans Phan

We always have each other

Punches flew, bruises marked my skin. I was shoved to the ground. Kicked. Insults were shouted at me, screams of 'Faggot' and 'Tranny' echoed in my mind. The pain overtook me. I just laid there and took it. I was helpless. 

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My life wasn't always like this though, far from it actually. Once upon a time I was the most popular girl in the school. I was dating Brandon, the captain of the football team, the most popular boy. Every girl wanted to be me, every boy wanted to date me. Life was perfect.

Or so it seemed.

I wasn't happy. I was living a lie and pretending to be something I wasn't. A girl. All my life I'd been the pretty girl, the one everyone wanted to look like. But I'm not a girl, never was never will be. I'm a boy.

I broke down when I realised this, that cold dark night. I sobbed into my pillow, wondering why I couldn't just be happy. Wondering if I could just live life as a girl. But I knew I couldn't, I knew I couldn't pretend for much longer. Now that I had come to terms with it, I knew that something had to change.

And something did change.

That summer, I broke up with Brandon. I resigined from cheerleading. I gave up my old life.

I told my parents and, as tough as it was, they accepted me and offered to pay for my transition. I started taking hormones, had top surgery and completely changed my look. I cut my hair, wore new clothes and acted like a guy. The first time I looked into a mirror was the happiest moment of my life. I finally looked like me. Everything was going to be okay.

But then school started.

I walked into those corridors with my new look, new name, new identity. I thought that maybe, just maybe, no one would recognise me. My parent's had already asked the school to use my new name and pronouns. Maybe they would think I was a new kid. 

But of course they recognised me. 

My name was whispered threw the halls, not my new name though, my old name. The name I hated hearing more than any other word. People stared when I walked into a room. The looks of disgust from teachers and students alike. I took it though. I stayed strong.

But then the bullying started.

Eventually people learnt exactly what was going on. I wasn't just dressing like a boy now, no, I was one. And they couldn't accept that.

So the punching started, led by Brandon and his mates, my old friends. They punched me, hit me, threw me to the ground.  I avoided them the best I could, but they always found me in the end. No where I hid was good enough. 

Even though I was finally the person I wanted to be, sometimes I laid in bed wishing I could just be Daniella again. Wishing I'd never became Dan, because no one liked Dan. 

Until Phil came along.

He was the new kid in town, with the jet black hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He sat next to me in art class, said he liked my drawing, asked if I wanted to hang out. I said yes and after school that day we went to the park. We stayed out there until midnight, watching the stars and talking about anything and everything. I told him all about school, about being transgender, about the bullies. He told me all about why he moved here, about how his family died, about how he's in care. By the time he drove me home, I felt like I knew everything about him, and him me. I'd never trusted anyone the way I trusted Phil.

School slowly started to become easier. Phil stood up for me and the bullying stopped. He gave me a reason to go to school. Actually - he gave me a reason to live. My parent's loved him, said he had saved me. He did.

Exactly one year after we had met, he drove me to the park where we first got to know each other. We stayed their all night; laughing, talking and eventually, kissing. One moment we were laughing, the next his lips were pressed against mine. He asked me to be his boyfriend that night and, obviously, I said yes.

The kids at school made fun of us - The Tranny and The Faggot we were called. But it didn't bother us anymore, because we had each other. 

We always had each other.