The Life Of Trans Phan

Pancakes and Proposals

"Philly," Dan moaned, rolling over and yawning. He frowned when he saw the cold, empty space next to him. Groaning, he got out of bed and walked out of their bedroom. He was dressed in his red boxers and black sweatpants; shirtless like Phil liked. He shuffled through the house, smiling when he smelled the pleasant aroma of pancakes wafting through the house. Dan turned and quickly made his way into the kitchen and smiled when he saw his shirtless boyfriend making a stack of pancakes. His hair was scruffy, he had his glasses on and he looked absolutely adorable.

"Hey Danny," Phil grinned, walking over to where Dan stood and wrapping his arms around the younger boy's waist. Dan's arms darted around his neck and he reveled in the comfort Phil's hugs always brought.

"Why are you up so early?" Dan mumbled against Phil's soft skin, pressing a sweet kiss to his neck.

"I wanted to make you breakfast," Phil told him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and pulling out of the hug. He went back to the stove and flipped the pancake into the air. Smiling lovingly at the older boy, he sat on one of the kitchen counters and watched him cook.

"How did you sleep babe?" Phil asked, concentrating on the breakfast.

"Like a rock," Dan jumped off the counter and walked behind Phil, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Phil's shoulder.

"No nightmares?" Phil checked, pouring the last of the pancake mix into the frying pan.

"No nightmares," Dan confirmed, pecking Phil's neck happily. He watched in silence as Phil finished making their breakfast and covered the stack in maple syrup.

"I got you that new movie you've been wanting for ages, Pan, do you want to watch it?" Phil offered, carrying the pancakes through to the living room. Dan followed him, a little suspicious. Why was Phil doing all these nice things for him? Phil was normally a ray of sunshine that brightened up his life, but he rarely did things like this! Instead of ruining the moment, though, he follows his boyfriend into the living room and sits down on the sofa. Once Phil's put the movie into the dvd player, he sits back on the sofa and Dan curls into his side, resting his head above his heart, the beating sound as comforting as ever. Phil's warm arm wrapped around his side and tucked him closer, the other arm pressing the play button.

They spent the next couple of hours wrapped in each others arms, feeding each other pancakes. While Dan's eyes were trained on the screen, taking in every second of the movie; Phil's eyes were on Dan, smiling softly at how lucky he was to have him. Even though Dan didn't believe him, he really did think he was the most beautiful, smart and talented person on the earth.

He thought back to the last few years of their relationship.

At first Phil didn't fall in love with Dan. He fell in love with his beautiful neighbor, Daniella. They grew up together and were best friends, but they both slowly fell in love with each other. When they were 16, just graduating from high school, he asked her to be his girlfriend. She accepted and they were the cutest couple around.

It wasn't until a few years later when they had moved in together and he had a full-time job as a Youtuber while Daniella attended Law School, that he realized something was wrong. She wasn't happy like she was when they first moved in. Originally Phil thought it was him. He spent the next months trying to be the best boyfriend ever; cooking her meals every night, buying her nice things and taking her out on perfect dates.

Daniella had confronted him one day and asked him why he was doing all of this. He told her and when she burst into laughter, he was seriously confused. When she calmed down, she explained that it wasn't him, but she refused to tell him. He stopped doing all the things he did before, although not completely (he liked spoiling her after all) and instead tried to work out what she was hiding. When he couldn't work it out, he confronted her and she finally told him.

After that, things changed a lot. Daniella became Dan - her hair was cut short, dresses were exchanged for jeans and Phil no longer had a girlfriend. He had a boyfriend.

That realisation took him awhile to get over. He supported him all the way, that love could never go away, but he knew his parents would never approve of him dating a boy. It was a tough few weeks, but eventually he remembered why he loved Dan so much, and decided to stay.

It was rocky at first; both sensitive about the subject. When people questioned it, neither knew how to answer and while Phil did all he could to be as supportive as possible, it wasn't always easy. Some night's he cried because he missed Daniella. Although it was hard, he stuck by Dan as he went through the transition. He held his hand through his first T shot and helped him put on his first binder.

A year later, everything was a lot better. Phil fell in love all over again, this time harder than before. Dan was the love of his life and nothing would change that. He loved waking up to his beautiful face and falling asleep beside him. Dan was happier now, and for that smile Phil knew he'd do it all over again.

And that led them to now, with the love of his life in his arms. There was something very important he had to do, and he knew now was a good a time as any. As the movie came to a close, he gently nudged Dan off of him so he could stand up.

"What you doing?" Dan mumbled, sitting up and watching Phil confused. His eyes widened in surprise as Phil lowered himself onto one knee and smiled shyly at him.

"I love you, Dan, I always have and I always will. We've been through so much together and I know it's not always been easy and I know I've not always been the best boyfriend I could have been, but I love you so much and nothing's ever going to change that. I can't promise that life is going to always be easy, but I can promise you this. I will always love you, Dan. No matter what, I will always be here, by your side. It's Dan and Phil against the world and I can promise you it always will be," Phil rambled, before taking a deep breath, "So, Daniels James Howell, Will you make me the happiest man on earth, will you marry me?"

With tears gliding down his cheeks, Dan pulled Phil into the most magical and loving kiss they had ever had.

"Of course I will," He laughed, grinning as Phil slid the ring onto his finger, "It's perfect Phil!"

"I love you, Dan," Phil mumbled, pulling him into another kiss, "Forever. I promise."