The Life Of Trans Phan

When I'm Gone Pt.2

Eyes on the road. 

Phil had no idea where he was going. No idea what he was doing. No idea how or why or if this would even work out. Just one phrase went round and round his head.

Eyes on the road. 

He was focused, but none the less, one hand was set on Dan's knee, thumb gently rubbing circles. Soothing Dan was still a priority, he knew the younger boy was terrified. Phil was doing this for him. He wasn't sure if Dan was awake or not; the boy's eyes were shut, head back against the seat, long hair tucked into a beanie. Phil had a pair of scissors in his bag, amongst other things. As soon as they hit the first gas station, they were going to change as much as they could. Different haircuts and colours, change of clothes, glasses; Phil had even gone as far as to bring a box of his mother's makeup. Hey, could come in useful.

Maybe.

A bump in the road woke Dan from his sleep, jolting awake and looking around like a scared deer. Phil's touch quickly soothed him, and he relaxed back against the seat. He moved his hand to rest over his best friend's, and Phil quickly turned his hand to interlace their fingers. 

"How long till we get there?" Dan wasn't sure where there was, but he trusted Phil. His best friend had never let him down. Phil would have a plan. "And where exactly is there?" The older boy shrugged, stretching his legs as far as he could and continuing to drive. He didn't have an answer, but he didn't want Dan to know that. Phil was winging this, and hoping for the best.

Dan decided not to push him, and closed his eyes again, gently squeezing Phil's hand. He had already asked so much of Phil, he didn't want to stress him out in any way. Dan still couldn't believe Phil had said yes. He hated to ask this much of him, to ask him to literally give up everything to help him. But Dan was at his breaking point, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. There were already scars across his hips, and it was so fucking tempting to dig that razor in just a little bit more. 

He felt so guilty for those scars. He knew how much they hurt Phil. Every time he did it, Phil would kiss them and Dan knew he was trying so hard to keep himself together. One day, Dan swore. One day he'd make all of this up to Phil. He'd treat him like the prince he was. He'd make him happier than anyone else could.

But right now he needed to get out of Reading. He needed to get out and never go back. And that's what they were doing.

---

Phil was barely awake, blinking his eyes to stay open. But they'd finally hit a gas station far enough away to not be recognised. He doubted anyone knew they were missing yet, but he didn't want to be traceable. With a little yawn, Phil gently shook Dan awake, whispering his name until his eyes finally blinked open. Dan yawned and stretched his arms, hitting his head on the car ceiling as he climbed out.

The younger boy walked straight into Phil's open arms, just hugging him for a moment. He felt safe with Phil's strong arms wrapped tightly around him. Like he'd be okay. Phil pressed his lips to the top of his head and pulled away, keeping one arm tightly around Dan. Swinging the bag onto his bag, Phil led his half asleep best friend into the gas station.

"Dan, go change clothes while I get some snacks okay?" Phil kept his voice just above a whisper, kissing Dan's forehead and handing him the bag. The boy nodded sleepily and padded into the gas station bathroom. While Dan got changed, Phil stocked up on food. He stayed away from junk food, except a box of Maltesers to cheer Dan up, and got something more filling. They didn't have much money now. They had to play it safe. 

With the snacks put away in the car, Phil walked over to see how Dan was doing. He'd brought along some old clothes of his, figuring Dan would prefer those over his own clothes. Dan's mother threw a fit every time she discovered male clothes hidden away in his closet, so Phil tended to keep anything at his house. But Dan was finally free from that. That thought alone gave Phil the motivation to keep going.

"You okay in there cupcake?" Phil smiled a little at the nickname. It was a joke, coming from the time Dan had attempted to eat an entire box of cupcakes by himself and, after achieving it, had sworn off ever eating another cupcake again. Dan just made a whining noise, but the stall door opened a moment later. Dressed in black skinny jeans and a black sweater that was just a little bit too big, he looked a lot more like himself. 

Phil took his hands and pulled him over to the counter, lifting him up to sit on it. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and went to find the scissors. "Very handsome. Now for the good bit." Dan's eyes lit up ever so slightly, and Phil laughed when he noticed. "You trust me to cut it off? I'm not exactly the most skilled in this area."

Dan just laughed and called him a dork, before insisting that he cut it all off. With a roll of his eyes, Phil got to work. It took twenty minutes of laughing and joking around, and then another half hour to dye his blonde hair brown, but eventually they were done.

"For someone as stupid as you, you did a good job," Dan nudged his shoulder, looking in the crappy gas station mirror. "I actually look like a boy."

Phil turned his shoulders and kissed his nose. "You are a boy. Now come on, we have a lot of driving left." He chuckled when Dan whined, rolling his eyes and packing up their stuff. "There's maltesers in the car." Suddenly Dan seemed more than eager to get going again, and Phil just laughed as they walked back out to the car.

"Come on babe, we've got a long drive ahead of us."

A/N: Slightly better than the last part. I think. You guys really seemed to want a part 2, so I guess I'll write a part 3 if as many people want one?