Heart of Locks

Chapter 5

"And you're sure there's nothing between you and this Michael man?" Liz asked me.

I lifted my mug up to my lips and took a sip of tea before replying.

"No of course not, I've only just met the man Liz!"

She giggled and raised her eyebrows.

"And when has that ever stopped you? What about all those men you have fallen head over heels in love with after the first date?"

She began to list off the names of them all and I couldn't help but feel a little ashamed. I felt bad for each and every one because I was only using them to get over German. But it didn't work. Each time I realised all I did was compare him to German.

Did I get butterflies like I did in his presence? No? Then it's not worth it.

Did they care for and protect me like he did? No? Then there's no point.

Did their kisses leave me feeling giddy with excitement like his did? No? Then I don't love them like I did him.

Each and every time I had tried to be happy with them, but I was never content, because all I wanted was German.

I longed for his hugs, for his kisses. I craved the soft touch of his hands and the comfort of his presence. But more than anything I longed for the sound of his voice calling my name. When I left I wanted to get as far away from him as possible, but now I want the opposite. I want the distance between us to disappear so it's just him and me, together.

My mind stopped wandering when I heard Gabi calling me. She skipped into the room with Amelia.

"Mummy, can Amelia stay for dinner?"

I looked over at Liz and she frowned. Amelia was supposed to be going to her Dad's tonight and I knew there would be trouble between him and Liz if she didn't.

"I don't think so sweetie." I replied. "I think Amelia and her mummy have some things to do."

Soon after that Amelia and Liz left.

Gabi had gone upstairs to tidy her room so I was left alone in the kitchen. I picked up my mug to take a sip only to discover it was empty.

Teabags.

I knew I had forgotten something.

Great.

I was just about to search the cupboards for any alternative beverages when my phone began to ring. One name came into my mind.

Michael.

Without looking I answered the phone  expecting to hear his voice. 

"Angie!" A high pitched voice squealed on the other end. "I thought you'd never answer!"

"Vilu!"

As soon as I heard her voice all I could feel was guilt. When I left I promised that we would always keep in touch, but things got so busy with Gabi that I completely forgot!

"I've missed you so much, you won't believe all the things I have to tell you!"

I was just about to reply when I heard Gabi's footsteps bounding down the stairs.

"Listen Vilu, I really need to go. I promise I'll call you back later."

"Mummy, who you talking to?" Gabi asked, a little too loudly.

"Nobody, can you wait for me in the living room?" I replied, hoping Violetta hadn't heard.

"Okay!" She said as she skipped into the living room.

I put the phone back up to my ear.

"So can I call you back later?" I ask.

I hear nothing on the other line so I ask again, only to get the same response.

"Vilu?" I ask wondering if the connection had dropped or something.

"Did someone just call you mummy?"

As soon as she asked me, I felt something drop in the pit of my stomach. I knew I couldn't lie to her, not again, not about something this big. So I just said nothing.

"Angie?" Vilu asked.

"Mummy!" Gabi called.

It broke my heart to make a choice like this. I had fought for so long to be Violetta's aunt, but I loved Gabi with all my heart.

I had to do it.

I hung up the phone and placed it on the table.

"Coming sweetie." I said as I walked into the living room.

Just before I shut the door, I looked back once at the phone. Part of me wanted to call her back, the part of me that couldn't bear to leave Buenos Aires, but the other part of me was stronger. It was the part of me that convinced me to leave. The part of me that was a mother.

That's what I needed to be right now.

More than I needed to be an aunt.

I needed to be a mother.