6463 l.h

s i x t e e n

Lukes's POV

I couldn't sleep that night. My brain was speeding fast thinking about what I should do. I can't break up with Ashley if I'm not sure about Liza, I reach for my phone early in the morning and dial the only number on my head.

Hi, I won't probably listen this but go ahead and waste your time.

Straight to voicemail. I tried again and again and again. Nothing. The clock marked 7:43am it's time to get going. Ashley was already up and getting ready. In about ten minutes I had Kira and Ashley in my truck heading to school.

"You okay?" Ashley asks with her hand on my thigh when I enter the parking lot

"Yeah" I mutter and park the car "I'm just thinking" I tell them to get going and I'll be inside in a bit.

I press my forehead against the steering wheel and close my eyes. Liza has to feel something, she does right? All of these years I let myself think that I was madly in love with Ashley and because of that I couldn't relate to people but the truth is: I was just waiting for the right person to come up and awake my heart.

Even though Liza has a very cold heart and thinks she can't love someone I think there's something for me in her. She may not love me back but I'll wait. Someone like her only appears once in a lifetime.

I head inside and I go straight to Liza's locker. But I find Ashley hovering over the open locker

"Why are you going through Liza's locker?" I ask frowning my brows

"Oh, thats my locker now" she smiles "Liza and I trade lockers"

"Did you ask her to?" My heart beats fast

"Actually she insisted on trading it with me" she closes the locker and press her hand on my neck "Saying something about it being rightfully mine. So kind of her, right?"

"Yeah, so kind" I mutter under my breath

Maybe this means Liza doesn't give a fuck after all. Because why should her hand the locker back to Ashley? Perhaps Liza can't feel things anyways.

Liza's POV

I couldn't sleep.

My body just lied down the mattress staring the white ceiling. This useless heart of mine was trying to misbehave and miss him but I tame it down, shushing it back to the dormancy.

When morning came I didn't feel it in me to go to school, Gammy asked why and I said that I couldn't cope. She made me promise I'd make it in time for my therapy, I promised for her sake. She has been so stressed lately, Zoe is complaining again about people leaving us and I'm almost never home because I can't face this empty walls. It hasn't been easy.

It's almost 10am, my appointment is in twenty minutes. I drag my body out of the bed and put on a baggy white tee with a pair of black shorts, my hair looks like I ran through a hurricane so I tame it into a braid. I glance myself on the mirror, I'm a disaster. I feel ugly and wrong, the wish of running blades through my body crosses my mind.

Gammy opens the door to hurry me up and save me from my mind. I don't feel hungry so I drink some water and run into the car. I drive in silence until I hear a buzz on my phone, Gammy texted me

Gammy Gray                            10:14am

Please talk about yourself, let her help you. I love you Liza, you must love yourself too.

I swallow down the lump in my throat and park the car. I walk into the building and spot Mrs. Hemmings looking at me.

"Morning Liza" she says with a frown, a worried frown "Are you okay?"

"I'm holding up" I look down

"I'm glad you made in time for the therapy" She smiles and lies an arm over my shoulder, walking with me to Mrs. Parks office. "Anything you need you can come to me, okay?" She says sweetly and I nod "Good, when the session is over drop by my office okay?"

"Okay, thanks Mrs. Hemmings" I let go a small smile thinking about what Gammy said in the text, I have to let people help me

I knock on the door and Mrs. Parks opens it with a warm smile, I take a seat on the brown couch and she seats in front of me on her red chair.

We stay in silence of a while, I'm trying to find courage to say something. I know she can see that I'm trying. I take a deep breath and run my hands over my clean face, I didn't even put make up on.

"I'm cutting myself" I say under my breath

First I can look up because I'm too ashamed of doing it. Then tears fall down my eyes, I close them feeling the drops flood my face. Mrs. Parks slides the tissue box next to me but I refuse it. It's about time I feel these tears, it's time to own my pain.

"Why are you cutting yourself?" She asks with a kind voice

"Because it's better than the pain in my heart" I answer looking at her, I see my reflection through her glasses, my face is red and swollen. My eyes are dark, the small beneath them is red, my lips are cracked and my skin is pale.

"And why does it hurt?"

"Cause I chose pain over real feelings" I feel all my walls being destroyed and falling onto the ground.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it's easier not to care" I sob under my breath while pressing my sweaty palms over my bare knees

"Does it feel easy now?" she tilts her head and I cry even more

"It feels impossible" I choke but keep going "The people I should love I hate and the ones I should hate I love"

"And those you love, are they aware?" I feel like she's touching in an open wound right now

"No" I shake my head "They have no idea" I sniff, thinking about Luke

"Then that's your solution, all those emotions pilling up in your heart are confusing you, making you break down like that" she leans in and holds my hand, squeezing it "You have to let them know, to let them in"

"But I-"

"No one will ever hurt you more than you are hurting yourself right now" she licks her lips "What do you have to lose?"

I swallow down and stay quiet. She's right.

I'm going to tell Luke.

xxxx
Oh boy, so first of all: THANK U SO MUCH FOR +1.5K VIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND ILY SO FUCKING MUCH!

Alright, am I the only one that cried? Maybe things will get better from now on, but stupid Luke doesn't think she has a fucking heart :(

Thanks for reading and bla bla bla, ily so much. See u guys next chapter!!

xx