6463 l.h

n i n e t e e n

Shake it off, they say.

Pick yourself up and carry on.

How fucked up is to ask someone this? To just expect they'd get up on their feet and keep going. Like the pain inside their hearts would disappear just because you told so.

Quickly I grabbed the keys and rushed to the car where I bursted into tears sobbing like a orphan baby. I clenched my jaw trying to slow down the tears but they had life on their own. My shaky hands grabbed the steering wheel as I pressed them hard against it, turning my knuckles white. I really don't know how I got home safe but I did, I parked the car outside carelessly and just stormed into the living room.

Gammy jolted when she saw me and instantly stood up to hold my falling body, I hit the wooden floor hitting my shoulders and head against the walls but I couldn't feel a thing.

"Liza honey what happened?" She asks grabbing my skinny body by my shoulders

"It hurts Gammy" I sobbed with my head on the crook of her neck

"Where does it hurt, baby?" She strokes my hair trying to calm me down

"This hole I call heart" I sob feeling the need to see my Dad, he always calmed me down with his singing or by just holding me telling me boys suck "Can you call daddy?" I glanced at her "I just need him right now"

She nods fishing her phone from her dress pocket dialing his number and handing it to me.

"Hey Gray, is everything okay?" Dad says with a happy voice

"Daddy" I speak in between sobs, missing him like crazy "Daddy come home" I cry

Right now I'm crying about the whole situation. My heart is broken, my home is broken, I am broken. Just when I thought things would work out because I opened my heart I get stabbed right into it.

"Liza" Dad sighs "What happened honey?"

"I just need you, dad" I sob feeling childish but I really need him "Please"

"I'll be there in a minute, my love" his sweet voice soothes me

I turn the phone off and Gammy tells me to take a shower to calm down, I nod and head upstairs. I threw my body into the bathroom locking the door then taking my shorts and shirt off getting into the tub in my black underwear. I hold my knees against my chest I burry my head in between my thighs. Before it hurt because I couldn't tell him what I felt, now it hurst because I did.

I know I shouldn't have to feel bad for loving in my own way, I feel bad because he didn't love me back.

Luke's POV

I saw Liza seeing Ashley and I. My heart fell into the ground with her car keys but I couldn't move. I knew right there the huge mistake I made.

"Is she okay?" Ashley asks

I ignore her and run to the parking lot, but before I could get into my truck Kira stops me

"What the fucking hell, Lucas?" She hits me with her bag "Are you fucking kidding me?" her face is red in rage, Kira never swears

"Kira, I-"

"No Luke, you're hurting her!" Kira adjusts her red glasses "She fucking loves you and I know you love her too" she clenches her jaw "Why'd you do it? You're not happy with Ashley, you want Liza you twat!"

"I know it!" I admit feeling stupid

"Then why in the hell would you let her go? Why would you not choose her?"

"Ashley said that I had to try you know fixing us" I look down

"And is that what you want?" she pierces her eyes in mine

"I don't know" I shrug my shoulders

"Where were you going?" she asks pointing to the key in my hands ready to unlock the truck

"To see Liza"

"Then you know what you want" she hits my head with her palm "Go get your girl, asshole" she rolls her eyes and walks back to the school

I was supposed to drive all the way to Liza's place but I just need to think. Things in my head are so confused.

I drive home instead.

Liza's pov

I considered the possibility of hurting my skin again maybe even more harder. But it won't bring him to me. It won't make him change his mind. It will only hurt myself and I'm already hurt.

I did what I was supposed to, I dragged my body onto the bed and found my Dad sitting on the chair of my desk. I threw myself in his guardian arms and rested my head against his safe chest. He comforted me and lied me down, stroking my head and singing Polly by Nirvana.

I feel asleep halfway through it.

When I opened my eyes again Dad wasn't here, I sat up on bed and opened my nightstand to grab a tiny liquor bottle, I poured the burning liquid down my throat and swallow it down with my crying. It's night time because the sun isn't bursting through my window. I hear the door being opened and for a fraction of seconds I led myself to believe it was Luke.

But it wasn't.

I watched Kira's body run towards my bed and drop itself next to me, exploding in tears.

"Kira, whats wrong?" I left the bottle on the nightstand to hold her

"He kissed another girl" she took her glasses off and buried her face in my neck, crying her sadness away "I waited for him but he didn't show up so I went to his place and saw him kissing another girl"

By the way she talks I know it's about Calum. I can't believe, I thought he really liked her

"Its okay honey" I kiss the top of her head "It just means he's not worthy of you"

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" She lifts her face to look into my eyes

"I wished I had the answer" I run my thumb over her cheek and smile

"I want to be like you" she sighs sniffing her crying "To conceal my sadness in me and keep going"

"You don't want to be like me" I assure her "Nobody wants to" I bring the covers up and we cuddle our broken hearts

We stay in silence until she speaks up

"Luke's an idiot" she mutters under her breath "He loves you so much he's afraid of letting go the safety Ashley brings to him"

"When I told him I love him I told him that I wouldn't beg him to change his mind if he didn't choose me" I shrug my shoulders

"So what are you gonna do now?"

"Keep living, I guess" I sigh and smile.

...

Kira left when Calum called begging her to give him a chance to explain himself. I couldn't leave my room so I didn't. I stayed in bed until I heard knocks on my balcony's door. My body jolted from the bed and shivered when I saw Luke's silhouette against the moonlight.

I shouldn't let him in or bring my hopes up but I did.

He slipped into my room with his eyes pierced on mine. I pressed my body against the wall like it would keep it from jumping into him.

We stood there just watching each other for what felt like centuries. He sighs and walks towards me. I contract my body, shrinking my self in fear of his amazing touch. He stopped in front of me with his hand on my cheek bringing me closer to him.

I let him guide me because I'm helpless next to him. Luke attached our lips and kissed the life out of me letting me know all the unspoken words. His fingertips on my nape sending shivers through my back, his tongue gliding through mine just like I love it, be bites my lower lips and presses his lanky body against mine.

"I love you too" he says pulling away to catch a breath