Letters to Phil. (Phan)

Letter Twelve.

March 17, 2015

Dear Phil,

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

Everyone on twitter and on in the comments on my latest video have been saying it, so yeah. How are you doing, Phil? I really hope everything is good.

Me? Well, I'm honestly breaking down way worse than before except this time, I don't feel anything. I just have this kind of empty void inside of me right now and it's only getting worse each day I wake up and go to see if you're awake, but only walk into the new editing room. I still haven't got used to that, even though you would think I would have by now.

I saw that you introduced Lexi to the internet, finally. She's really cute, actually. She was all shy and embarrassed. I could see myself in her, honestly. That first video we did together, you know? I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I was doing it for you because you were happy and excited and I wanted to be a part of that happiness even though you told me you were feeling that way because of me.

The way you look at her, it's cute. You look at her like she's your world. She might be, I wouldn't really know. Louise tells me that you look at her almost the same way you looked at me. That alone broke my heart. But Pj had asked her what she meant by almost and then she had explained that whenever you looked at me, you had this look of pure joy and love and happiness in your eyes. I remember that look. But when you look at her, she says you have this really sad look to your eyes that's repressed, so it's not as obvious, but it's still there.

That made me feel a little bit better.

I'm really glad that you're happy with her, though. It tells me that you can move on, and even though I envy you for that, I'm glad you can.

Well, once again, Phil.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! :)

Love,

Dan.