Letters to Phil. (Phan)

Letter Twenty Three.

August 24, 2015

Dear Phil,

Chris is living with me for the next month. Pj would, but he's been working on his whole Oscar's Hotel thing. Which I understand.

I don't want anyone living with me except you. It doesn't feel right.

He sleeps on the couch because he said there wasn't really a point in putting him a room in considering its not permanent. Only temporary so he can monitor how I am.

Currently, I'm not okay.

People online have been trying to ask what happened. I've made them so upset. They say they've been beyond worried and everything since they figured out I was taken to the hospital.

Lexi is over right now. She's talking with Chris in the living room. She won't bring you up around me right now, but I can hear them talking. I'm sitting in the hallway, listening.

She's telling him about how when you found out what I did, when you read the last letter, that you shut down. It was so sudden and she says that you just started screaming.

I'm sorry.

I really should stop causing you pain. I need to get out of your life completely.

But I can't bring myself to do it, yet. Not without killing myself.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to start crying again.

I'm going to go so I don't get the paper wet.

Love,
Dan.