I woke up stiff and sore and in an unfamiliar bed. I don't think I'd moved an inch all night. I wondered where I was for a second before the events of the previous night came crashing back into my mind so hard that it took my breath away. I clutched at my chest as I tried to regulate my breathing. I looked across to Oli's bed, only to find it empty. I leaned over and grabbed the note she had left on the pillow.
Gone for coffee, back soon. Don't overthink things. Oli x
She knew me too well. I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. I glared at my phone, which was still turned off from the night before. I wanted to speak to Brian, I wanted to scream at him...but at the same time I didn't want to see him ever again. Sighing I turned my phone on, I hadn't decided what I was going to do but I wanted to text Oli at the very least.
The second my phone booted up, I started getting notifications. Text messages, missed calls and voice mails. Ignoring them all, I text Oli to tell her I was awake. I wanted to get out of yesterday's clothes but I had nothing to change into, all my things were still at Brian's. Groaning realising that I had no choice but to talk to him now, I dialled Brian's number.
He picked up on the first ring. "Shae..." He breathed.
Hearing his voice almost broke me. Calling him had been a mistake. I needed to get off the phone as quickly as possible. "Can you bring my things to the hotel please?" I asked quietly.
"Please don't do this Shae."
"If you can't, I'll sort out getting them myself..." I sighed.
"Let me see you, let me explain..." He pleaded.
I cut him off, suddenly angry. "No Brian. Just answer the fucking question. Can you bring my stuff here or not?"
He sighed. I could picture him running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Yeah sure. I'll be there in an hour."
I couldn't just sit around waiting, so I stole an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts out of Oli's case and hopped in the shower. I turned the water temperature up as high as I could stand it and let the water fall over me. I stood there, lost in my own thoughts for so long that when I heard a knock at the door, it shocked me.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I muttered as I jumped out of the shower, almost slipping and cracking my head off the sink. "Bollocks." I threw Oli's clothes onto my still wet body, grabbed my hair tie from the side and ran out of the bathroom. I swung the door open as I tied my hair up and came face to face with Brian.
"I tried to call, you didn't answer..." He explained.
I shrugged. "I was in the shower."
"So I see..." He tried to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. I went to take my bag from him but he pulled it out of my reach. "Can we talk?" He asked softly.
I stuttered and stumbled over my words. "I...we...I don't..." I sighed, giving in. "Fine." Brian went to step inside the room, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him. My breathing caught as I felt the heat from his body, the pounding of his heart. If he came in, I knew what would happen. As hurt as I was, all I wanted right then was to feel him and to forget last night.
I took my bag from him and threw it on the bed. I picked up the room key and walked out of the room. I shut the door behind me and pointed at the floor next to the door. "Sit."
Brian slid down the wall and leant back. I sat down on the opposite side of the corridor and crossed my legs Indian style. I raised my eyebrows at him. He wanted to talk, so he could talk.
"She's a runner on the show. Her name's Natasha." He started. I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him while he spoke. "We were hooking up for a couple of months before we left for the UK, but it wasn't anything serious. When we got back, I guess she expected to pick up where we left off. I just tried to ignore her and to focus on you instead."
I looked at him as he paused, he had his head in his hands. I had a feeling the worst was coming now. He took a deep breath and started talking again. "I'd had a really shitty day, and the thought of going home and you not being there was killing me so I went to a bar round the corner from the studios. I just wanted to get so drunk that I couldn't think."
"I remember that night, you text me saying you couldn't Skype..." I interrupted.
Brian nodded. "I didn't want you to worry when I didn't call. I don't really remember much else from the night, Tash...Natasha...she must have turned up at some point because the next thing I remember was waking up with a stinking hangover and her beside me."
I felt my chest tighten as he spoke, I couldn't listen to any more. "Please. Stop." I whispered.
"I felt terrible. I know we weren't official but I'd still betrayed you. I kicked her out and told her that it was never happening again, that I had you, and that was all I wanted. She didn't listen. She still text me constantly, tried to talk to me at work. She said that this was just a fad, a novelty that would soon wear off. I swear I've never wanted to smack a woman so much in my life."
"Yeah we'll get in line." I muttered as I stood. He smiled sadly.
"I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yup."
Brian stood and took my hand. I tried to pull away but he held tight. "Please Shae, I will regret this for the rest of my life. Please don't give up on us."
I put my other hand on top of his, and pried my hand free. "You should go." I said quietly.
"Ok." Brian nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I really am sorry, Shae. More than you'll ever know."
I walked inside the hotel room and closed the door, before collapsing onto the floor and letting all the tears that I'd held back flow.
