We were a few hours into the flight when Oli nudged me. "You've been sat staring out of that window for almost the whole flight, no music, no book, nothing. You're not drinking. What's the matter? And don't try and tell me that there's nothing wrong, I know you too well."
I sighed. I really didn't want to do this here. But I knew she wouldn't let it go. Here goes.
"I'm late." I said quietly.
"What? What for? No you're not....Oh." It clicked. Oli took my hand. "You're sure?"
I looked at her sceptically. She knew as well I did, that I was regular as clockwork. We had been friends long enough. "99% sure. I've not done a test yet but...."
"We have to get you a test." She glanced down as I patted my bag.
"I got it when I went and got the painkillers earlier. But I haven't had the time or the guts to do it."
"Ok," Oli was getting into planning mode, this is what I needed. "When we land, we're going straight to the toilets." I nodded. "If the guys asks what took so long, we just say it was customs." I just nodded. "Fuck Shae, what if it's positive?" Oli asked quietly.
"I have no fucking clue. I haven't even dared think that far ahead. Not a word to anybody, Ol. Not even Sal. Promise me." She whispered her promise and squeezed my hand. My eyes flicked up as the seatbelt sign came back on.
I clung onto my handbag like it was a life raft as we got off the plane. I watched Oli as her eyes scanned for a bathroom. Once she found one, pulled me along by the arm and into the disabled stall.
My hands were shaking so much I couldn't open the packet. Oli took it from me and read the instructions out loud before handing me one of the two tests and turning her back so I could do what I had to do.
Once I was done, I set it on the sink and sat back down on the now closed toilet lid. The next two minutes were the longest two minutes of my life.
"Alright Shae, you ready?" Oli asked quietly. I shook my head, unable to speak. "Do you want me to look?" Oli went to stand.
"NO!" I almost shouted. "No, I've got to do this." I stood up and took a deep breath, not wanting to take the few steps over to the sink to see where my fate lay. I closed my eyes as I lifted it from the sink, afraid to see what it said. I must have stood there for 5 minutes with it in my hand, not looking at it.
"Shae? Brian will be getting worried..." Oli said, prompting me. At the mention of his name, I took another deep breath, opened my eyes and looked.
Fuck.
My face was expressionless. I just froze.
Fuck.
"Shae? Shae?" I heard Oli stand. "Fuck."
We both looked down at the test stick in my hand. All I could see was the word 'pregnant'. Oli got it together quicker than I did. She took it from me and shoved it in her jeans pocket, before propelling me out of the bathroom towards arrivals.
As we walked through I could see Brian and Sal grinning wildly as they waited for us. Oli was whispering furiously to me as we made our way over to them. "Shae, you need to snap out of it unless you want to tell him right now. He's going to know something is up and you know he won't let it drop."
She was right. I shook my head to try and clear it and I plastered a smile on my face. "Finally!" Brian exclaimed as he drew me into a tight hug. "You ok?" I nodded and tried to smile. Thankfully Oli took over the conversation and we walked to the car. Brian had invited Oli to stay at his as well, so we all piled into his car.
I was quiet as we drove to Brian's place. He didn't notice because he was too busy telling us about the new season they had been recording. I felt bad because I wasn't taking any of it in, but I just couldn't focus on anything else right now.
I had to tell him, but I didn't know when. It would have to be sooner rather than later, I couldn't keep coming up with excuses for not drinking, especially on Christmas Day and New Years Eve. I sighed and rested my head against the window.
"We're almost there Shae, why don't you sleep for a while when we get home? We have no plans tonight anyway." Brian suggested.
As it happened, I fell asleep before we even got to Brian's house. He must have carried me straight up to his room, because when I woke up it was dark and I was in Brian's bed, curled into his side.
"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.
"Just after 9." Brian murmured into my hair.
"Nine PM?" I exclaimed. "I've been asleep for 7 hours?"
Brian nodded. "Oli said you were exhausted and just to let you sleep. Who knew she could be right." he joked.
"I won't tell her you said that." I teased, as I stretched. "Where is she anyway?"
Just as I asked, I heard a loud shout from downstairs.
"Playing video games with Sal. The others are here too, if you're up for it? Joe said you owe him a hug since he didn't get one when you arrived."
I swung my legs out of the bed and stretched. "One Gatto hug coming up." I turned to Brian, biting on my bottom lip. "We need to talk later, is there some place we can go?" I asked quietly.
There was a split second of shock across his face but he recovered, suggesting we sit on the porch while the others were inside. I could see he was trying to figure out what I wanted to talk about, he was worrying. I was about to suggest we go now, when Joe shouted at us to hurry up.
I plastered my fake smile back onto my face as Brian led me into the lounge. Joe swept me up into a hug and spun me around before pulling back to look at me. He pulled me into another tight hug and whispered "Something's wrong? Shae, tell me." I shook my head minutely, feeling my eyes fill and willing the tears away.
Why did Joe have to be so damn perceptive and notice every little thing? "I'm fine Joey, I promise." I gave him a small smile as he released me. He looked at me sceptically but said nothing.
Once everyone was settled and a film was decided upon, Brian looked at me expectantly. I nodded. "Just give me 5 minutes." I asked, before grabbing my bag and going into the bathroom.
I sat patiently waiting, willing the test to show something different to last time. I hadn't realised I was holding my breath until I let out a big sigh when the word 'pregnant' flashed up again.
I ran my hands through my hair and opened the bathroom door. Brian was sat at the bottom of the stairs, the worry evident on his face. I took his hand as I reached him, and led him out the front door.
Brian sat down on the porch swing. I sat beside him, resting my head on his shoulder and looking out at the quiet street. Without turning my head, I spoke.
"I'm pregnant."
