I woke up with the winter sun streaming through the window and blinding me. I was fully dressed and curled up into a ball on the bed with a blanket over me. I looked over to Brian's side of the bed, it was empty and undisturbed. I sighed as I realised he obviously hadn't returned yet. I pulled the blanket up and around my shoulders and made my way downstairs.
Oli, Sal and Murray were sat around the kitchen table. They all looked exhausted. "Have you guys even slept?" I asked as I made myself a cup of tea.
Oli shook her head. "Nope, been waiting up in case he came back."
"You should get some sleep." I pushed her towards the door.
Oli shook her head again. "Not leaving you on your own. No way."
I waved my phone in her face. "I'll call Joey and get him to come round with Bessy and Milana, it's fine. Go rest." I looked at Sal and Murray. "That means you two as well. Go on." I shooed them out of the kitchen and sat down at the table. Brooklyn jumped up into my my lap and curled up to sleep. I muttered to her as I stroked her. "Where is your daddy, eh? And what the hell is he thinking?"
Joe and Bessy arrived about an hour later. I was still sat at the kitchen table, trying Brian's mobile, when they walked in. Joe looked at me questioning and I shook my head. He came to sit with my while Bessy settled Milana in the living room.
"Have you tried his parents again?" Joe asked.
"No, I wanted one of you to do that. I don't know what they know and what they don't about us. I don't want to put my foot in it." Joe squeezed my shoulder and pulled his phone out of his pocket. I watched him as he spoke to Brian's mom, and felt the weight lift from my chest as he smiled and nodded at me. Then he handed the phone to me and mouthed 'it's him'.
I took a deep breath as I placed the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey..." Brian said quietly.
"Is this how it's going to be?" I asked, somewhat sharper than I intended. "Something goes wrong, we fight, you're just going to leave?"
"I thought I'd lost you..." He muttered, but I cut him off.
"Don't be so sure that you haven't yet, Brian." I shot back. "I am so fucking mad at you right now. I don't deserve this shit, especially not now." I sighed heavily. "I should go home." I muttered, half to myself.
Joe shot across the room from where he had been discreetly waiting, and shook his head at me while holding his hand out for the phone. The second I handed it to him, he pulled me into his chest for a hug.
"You are in serious danger of losing this wonderful girl, Quinn." Joey all but growled down the phone. "It would be completely reasonable of her to leave and to never come back, but when you two are good you are fucking awesome. Come on man, sort your shit out and get back here."
Joe glanced at me as Brian spoke, raising his eyebrows and indicating that Brian wanted to speak to me again. I nodded and he passed the phone back.
"Promise me you'll be there when I get back." He asked, his voice pleading.
I sighed. "Ok. I promise. It's not like I'd be able to get a flight on Christmas Eve anyway."
Brian swore under his breath. "Shit. It's gonna be hell getting back but I promise you I will be back by tonight. I love you Shae."
I hesitated before telling him I loved him too, and quietly hung up the phone. I turned to see Oli and Sal in the doorway. "He's on his way back." I said as I sat down at the kitchen table.
I noted the looks of relief on the guys faces, but I didn't feel it myself. Now that the worry of where he was had gone, I was hit full force with the fact that he all but abandoned me when things got tough. We hadn't even begun to discuss what was going to happen between us now with the baby and everything. What if he did the same thing when the baby was here? Would I be better off cutting my losses now, or was it worth the risk?
I sat in my own little world at the table while Oli started making plans for the day. With everything that had happened, we hadn't even begun thinking about Christmas Day. I zoned out as Oli and Murr wrote shopping lists, and Sal blasted out his Christmas playlist from his iPod. They were acting like everything was back to normal while I sat mentally freaking out abut everything.
I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face Bessy who was holding Milana in one arm and gesturing to the den with her other. "Come on." I stood and followed Bessy, who pointed to the sofa and told me to sit. "You look like you needed some quiet." She smiled kindly.
I curled up on the sofa and she draped the blanket over me. "Just holler if you need anything." She smiled and headed towards the door.
"Bessy..." I called as she reached the door. "Can you grab Joey?" She smiled and nodded before leaving the room.
Over the last few days I'd become increasingly close to Joe. I needed a sounding board, someone who would just listen to what was going on in my head just so I could get it out. I loved Oli, she was my world but she would want to offer her own input.
"You ok sweetheart?" Joe asked quietly, as he sat down beside me. I rested my head on his shoulder and poured my heart out. Everything that was going on in my head, I opened it all up to Joey. I was vaguely aware of Oli, Murr and Sal leaving the house to go shopping and I could hear Milana giggling away from the bedroom above.
By the time I was done, Milana was asleep and the guys had returned with bags of food and alcohol.
"Ok..." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "I know what I've got to do."
Joe wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. "And you're 100% sure this is what you want? There's no going back from this."
I nodded. "Yep. This is the only way I think."
