End of the Road

On the Stage Alone

Namjoo searched around hurriedly, but he wasn't going in the direction of the cars parked along the street. When she turned back to him he seemed bent forward absurdly with a frightening stance. About to fall Namjoo grasped his arm to steady him.

"I'll take you home," Namjoo offered.

His eyes looked dazed and he didn't try to pull away. She had to wonder if he recognized her at all.

"No," he mumbled, "I can't go home like this."

She frowned at him concerned and pulled his arm around her neck to hold him still while she waved an arm out for a cab. A few moments later Luhan seemed asleep beside her in the cab, then fine moments later when he walked up the street to her house. Though his feet continuously crisscrossed in front of each other and swayed back and forth he didn't seem so drunk after all.

Namjoo walked several steps behind just for his safety before they eventually reached her home. She found it slightly ironic how Ki Hoon was spending the night at his house while Luhan was here with her.

"Lay down for a bit," Namjoo advised, helping him lean back onto the couch so that he could lie down comfortably. "I'll get you a glass of water."

Without saying anything Luhan closed his eyes for rest and deeming it okay to leave him alone she walked toward the fridge. Grabbing out a jug of water she reached for a cup and was about halfway done with pouring water into the glass when she lurched forward slightly. Warmth pressed itself into her back before she recognized those arms locked around her, then that head leaning against her.

"I'm sorry," his voice drifted into her ears, "that I miss you."

He seemed to fall against her before regaining his balance.

"I miss you."

Namjoo calmly listened depressed that he was so heartbroken.

"It feels like I'm filming a long movie and I'm standing on stage alone. I forgot my lines again, so I keep filming myself. I'm trying not to think about where the rest of the cast is, but they keep reappearing in my head when they aren't really there. I'm sorry again for filming the wrong parts."

Was he trying to apologize for liking her?

"I'm sorry for wondering why your feelings couldn't turn into love for me," a deep breath shuddered from him. "That day...I really hoped things worked out. When I told you it was ok, I lied. I'm sorry for wondering why you weren't having my baby. Namjoo-ah, I'm sorry for thinking that."

So he'd lied to make her feel better. What other things had he lied to her about just so that she benefited? Why was he so selfless for her?

"But...but...I...I really like you," his chest ransacked with powerful sobs with tears spilling into her hair. "Namjoo-ah...I'm sorry."

Namjoo felt her eyes water up. His pain was far beyond an extent she couldn't understand nor see. She hadn't realized how much his feelings went for her...she'd underestimated him.

She was so sorry...

The arms around her waist became loose and a cold draft closed the gap between them. Glued in spot she turned to see him stumbling toward the door and disappeared behind it seconds later. When the door closed again she was locked into a silence so heavy it was foreign to her.

+++

"Where are we going?" Hayoung asked staring out the window at the expensive shops they were passing by.

For some reason her mother had dragged her into the car that afternoon without much explanation. She found herself silently locked into her seat with her mother beside her busily stuck into a fashion magazine.