Queen of the phandom

People change

Trigger warning!!!

Charlie's POV
"Well that went a whole lot worse than I thought it would....sorry for the false encouragement." She said hugging me.
"That's ok." I said through the sniffles and tears.
"Hey!" Said Zoe, pulling up next to us in her car. "Wait, what's wrong?" She asked me as we got in. "Everyone laughed." I said.
"Just ignore them, you're beautiful... No matter what." Suddenly, hearing those words, something clicked in my brain. My mum used to say that to me, whenever the girls at schools laughed at my messy hair, or when they pointed out even the tiniest bit of acne. "You're beautiful, no matter what." Her voice rang in my head and suddenly I felt the tiniest bit of happiness. Something to remember her by, before the tumours. But more clogs clicked together in my brain and it was gone, the only thing left was what she would say to me after she had the operation. One thing stayed. Lurking in the back of my mind and after months it had managed to shove it's way back to the front of memory.

I ran home, slammed the door to the bathroom and pulled out the knife. Home alone. Home alone to do what i wanted to do. Or... So I thought. I pressed the knife against my wrist. The words that has just been said floated through my head, poking at the most sensitive areas. I pressed harder. "Why don't you just kill yourself, no one likes you anyway, you're a freak. Just like your cancer- ridden mum." And harder. "Do you ever wash your hair? Cause it's making me hungry, I had no breakfast. I want to fry an egg on it." Even harder. "Ew! Do you EVER clean your teeth?" Suddenly I lashed out, I threw the knife on the floor screaming. "Why can't I just be happy!" I picked the knife up again. Carving up my arm I wrote "why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?!"
"WHY!" I screamed louder.
There were footsteps. "Charlie? Charlie what are you doing in there?!" The door handle rattled and more tears spilled down my cheeks. "Nothing mum!" I yelled through the tears. She's home?
"Come out now, or I will knock the door down myself!" My head hurt and without thinking I opened the door, holding my wrist. "Oh my god..." She said. "Charlie! Charlie, what have you done?" She said, her eyes flickered from my wrist, the knife and the pool of blood in the sink. Then to me. "IM FED UP WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR YOUNG LADY!" She yelled, she grabbed my bleeding arm and dragged me with her, into the hallway. "What did they have to say to you to make you do such a thing to yourself?!" I didn't answer. "What did they say?!" No answer. "WHAT?!"
"They said I was ugly. That my hair was greasy enough to fry an egg on." I said, crying.
"Well.... There not wrong that's for sure. Your hair is greasy and you aren't the prettiest girl ever, but you need to pay for this behaviour." She said gripping me tight by my bleeding wrist. She dragged me outside and threw me out into the pouring rain. She slammed the door and left me out there. I banged on the door with non-injured arm for ages. I gave up after an hour. All night she left me there, all night I sat up against the rubbish bins crying silently to myself.

The memories flickered through my brain. I pulled at the sides of my hair and screamed. Shan and Zoe looked at me in shock. "Your not my mum! So stop acting like it! I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!!!" I opened the car door and ran. Ran as fast as I could even with lungs like a goldfish out of water. My chest burned as I sped round the corner. I had no idea where I was going. When I was finally as far away from Shan, Zoe, anyone even, I gripped my chest and sat down on the damp ground, my head span and my heart pounded. I leant up against the wall and gasped for air, desperately trying to let it enter my lungs. No good. "Oh god help me...." I gasped. My mind raced and I tried to think of something to stop the breathlessness. Nothing. Suddenly a car pulled up in front of me and Shan and Zoe ran out. "Shan, get her oxygen mask! Quick!"
Why did I run? I'm such an idiot!
"Im sorry..." I whispered as Shan strapped the mask around my face. Suddenly breathing got easier and Zoe scooped me up in her arms and laid me down in the back seat of the car.

I lay in my bed with my eyes tight shut, going over and over what happened, why I did what did. What came over you, you idiot? I rolled over on my side and Becky was standing in the door way with her hand behind her back. Becky's been here the longest, she's 14 and tall, very tall. She has short straggly platinum blonde hair, the split ended tips are dyed pink and purple. 
"Hi....."
"Hi." She smiled. "How you feelin'?"
"Alright, I guess."
"Need a little pick me up?"'she pulled her hand from behind her back, in it was a bottle.
"What are you? Crazy? You'll get us both kicked out!"
"Don't be stupid, the worst that lot will do is dock your pocket money." She laughed.
"I'm not having any!" I said. She turned around and shut the door then walked over towards me. I could smell the alcohol on her breath, as she got closer, the stronger it got. "Go on, take a gulp. Whose gonna know? And anyway what's worse, everyone finding out your to scared to take a sip of wine? Or having two pounds taken off your pocket money?"
"Pocket money." I sneered.
"Right, so that's worse than everyone knowing How much of a wuss you are? We've all done it at some point- never got caught. Do it or else you'll be known as, not just the cancer ridden FREAK, but the cancer ridden freak that is to scared to drink a sip of wine." I just sat there, unsure what to say. "Fine, if you wanna be like that. You wuss..." She turned around and headed for the door. "Wait!" I said.
"What?" She said turning back towards me. I hesitated for a second before grabbing the bottle out of her hands and gulping it down, all in one. "Wow... Impressive." She laughed. It wasn't a friendly laugh though, it was a mischievous, nasty laugh. "I have more in my room." She said, the edge in her voice pulled strings inside of me, it was like I couldn't say no. The sweet liquid slipped down the back of my throat and suddenly I wanted more, it calmed me. I didn't want more. I needed more. I slowly nodded my head, she pulled the bottle out of my hand and slipped it under my bed. Hidden.

Phil's POV...

"I trusted her to keep our secret.... I trusted her." Dan exclaimed. Just because the originals were deleted doesn't mean all the others weren't. I could tell Dan was fuming still. "Look, Dan, the best we can do is keep calm. People know. It's to late."
"I don't care!" Dan screamed turning towards me. I jumped out of my skin at the boom of his voice. His beautiful voice. His face was screwed up, I've never seen him like this before. "Phil.... Don't go on any social media sites for the next few days. Not even YouTube." He said, I just stood there stunned. "Do you hear me Phil?!" He boomed. He was so close now. I could feel his breath on my nose. His brown eyes sparkled, for once they didn't look kind. They looked menacing. Like he could do damage to something, no, scratch that, someone. I backed away suddenly nervous. "Phil?" He said "Phil, you okay?" Suddenly kindness flushed back into him. I felt like I was paralysed. He's always kept his anger under control, never lost it with me before. We love each other to much. "You scared m-me Dan..." I stuttered. The kindness replaced with guilt. "Oh... Phil I'm so sorry." He said hugging me. I pushed him away. "I'm going to bed."
"I'll come with you..."
"No." I said sternly. "We'll talk about this tomorrow...." He nodded his head in shame. He's ashamed of himself. Good for him. Wait? I can't treat him like this, he said he was sorry. I stopped half way up the stairs. "Dan." He turned back to me. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry to..."
"What for?"
"For turning you down like that...."
"Don't be sorry! I don't blame you."
"Why don't we sit on the sofa and play mario kart or watch Attack On Titan together?"
"I'll thrash you." He said winking at me.
"I don't think so...." I said laughing, we raced each other to the TV. I gripped his hand. "I love you Howell, focus on the happy things. We're going to be parents remember?" He smiled at me gently and we kissed, just a peck on the lips.

In the space of those few minutes, I realised that people change, from bad to worse. Or from worse to good. Either way, it didn't prepare me for what was coming up the next day.