Let's Pretend My Tears Are Raindrops

Chapter 31

This one's a little short, but I hope you can overlook that:) Thanks again for support and MAKE SURE YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ENJOY IT!!!!!

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Chapter 31~~

    All the lights in his house were off and I was afraid that I had the wrong window. The wind nipped at my face and I decided that I’d better make up my mind pretty quickly. I shined my flashlight at the window on the right and started tossing snow up at it.

     Like magic, his face appeared, looking shocked. He mouthed the words “Stay there,” and disappeared. Then, his front door slowly opened and I was terrified at what was about to happen.

     Derek took a step toward me.

     Neither of us said a word. We just stared at each other as if we were complete strangers. His eyes gazed intensely into mine and I wondered if it was just the moonlight or if he had been crying.

     “I’m sorry.” We said simultaneously. Derek put in an effort to smile, but failed. Hesitantly, I reached up to his face and touched his cheek.

     “I read your letter.” I paused. “Several times.” Derek showed a trace of a smile.

     “I thought you’d never speak to me again.” He whispered.

     “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

     Derek leaned down and brushed his lips against mine before we shared a longer kiss. Holding him in my arms felt right, but wrong at the same time. His lips were soft as they gently drifted from my lips, to my nose, to my forehead, and to my neck. Despite the freezing temperature outside, I felt warm, even hot.

     When we finally stopped, both of us were out of breath and gasping wildly for air. He let me rest my head on his shoulder for a while before he whispered, “Do you want to come inside?”

     “I’d like that.” I said.

     We tiptoed up the stairs and into his room. His bed was small, but I laid down next to him and allowed him to hold me to his chest, surrendering to him. I didn’t was to live in the shadow of Brandon’s death anymore. I just wanted to feel alive.

     “I never fell asleep last night.” Derek told me. “I was thinking about the horrible way I talked to you.”

     “I thought I lost you.” I murmured.

     He kissed my forehead. “Nope.” A few seconds later he yawned.

     “Get some sleep, Derek. You have to get up in the morning.”

     “I’m not tired.” He argued.

     “Too bad.” I said. “It wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order.” I demanded.

     “Fine.”

     About an hour passed and Derek was sound asleep. I didn’t want him to get busted, so I watched the clock knowing his chores started at five.

     There were so many things I had to consider. My heart was torn completely in half and at certain moments, I considered leaving. Brandon was gone, but he was still in my heart. I couldn’t ignore something like that, and besides that fact, it wouldn’t be fair to Derek. It wouldn’t be fair to Cassie, either, since she’d liked him so much. It would be like a stab in the back to her. When I was around Derek, though, time slowed down. I was five years old again and playing tag on the playground.

     Somewhere around four in the morning, he rolled over and mumbled my name. I smiled to myself and wondered if I was really willing give up a chance like this.

     At four-thirty, I woke him up, shaking his shoulder.

     “Samantha.” He whispered to himself, still asleep.

     “Derek!” I whispered in his ear as loud as I could without waking anyone else up. His eyes bolted open, staring up at me. I greeted him with a quick kiss on the lips before I said, “Get your ass up.”

     “I’m dreaming.” He whispered. “You’re too beautiful to be real.” I blushed, grabbing his hand to help him up.

     “Don’t even start with this garbage. You have to get me home. Your chores start in a half-an-hour.”

     His eyes opened wider and he glanced at the clock. “Damn.” He jumped out of bed.

     As I headed for the door, I felt him tugging at my hand. He pulled me in for a quick kiss before he snuck me out to his Chevy truck to take me home.

     Neither of us wanted to depart, but when we finally did, I knew there were some things I had to consider. Brandon hadn’t been gone that long and it was a mystery to me what I was getting myself into. I didn’t want to wind up getting hurt. The major factor, though, was guilt.

     My front door creaked, but luckily nobody woke up because of it. Before I went upstairs, I glanced at the tree in the living room. Presents were stacked all over and seeing them dragged me back to reality. If I didn’t go to bed right this second, I wouldn’t get any sleep at all because Cassie was going to make everyone get up to open the presents. With mixed emotions, I managed to make it to my room without getting caught.

     Once I was sitting on my bed, I knew exactly what I had to do. I tiptoed over to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer. One by one, I took out the memories I’d buried for so long. The cards, the pictures, the corsages, the dried bouquets of flowers—it was all still there.

     Then I started to consider Brandon and Derek and everything that factored into the decision I was facing. Could I move on this quickly? Would I be able to love Derek as much as I’d loved Brandon? Could I live with breaking the promise I’d made at Brandon’s funeral? If I chose Brandon over Derek, would I still be able to go on without Derek?

     Maybe I didn’t quite know all the answers yet, but I decided that I wouldn’t be able to live without knowing what would’ve happened. 

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