The Side You See (Yaoi boyxboy)

19

He didn't move at all. He didn't even glare at me. The face I was staring at was afraid. His face had contorted up into an expression of fear. Not only was fear plastered across his face, but he was red. He wasn't just pink-cheeked anymore. He was red up to his ears, and he looked desperate to break our eye contact. I didn't let go of him, and he stayed still.

"...let go." He said quietly, dropping his gaze to the floor. For a very short moment, I didn't speak. I was still surprised by the amount of shock that coated his face.

"...Kizumi I-"

"J-just let go! Why do you keep doing things like this? You're so oblivious to everything! You don't understand how it makes me feel when you-" He suddenly stopped and his face darkened to a deep shade of red, all the way up to his ears. He yanked his arm out of my grip and whirled around. I watched Kizumi as he dashed out the doors down the hall.

In the middle of the hallway,I stood there, confused and lost. I wasn't particularly focused on anything around me, or even my own thoughts. It was like I was frozen in the feeling Kizumi left behind when he ran. He had stood in front of me just now, forcefully avoiding my gaze, and unbelievably desperate to escape my grip. It was like...something snapped.

Kizumi, the bully of the school. The guy everyone hated because he threw the weak below him and caused unnecessary problems not only among the students, but the teachers as well. The person who was suspended from school all the time for being too violent...just ran away. He was so cold to everyone. His face always wore the same expressions. A nasty glare composed of irritation and hate, or a smug look for how pathetic he viewed those under his control. So how could he possibly be entirely different, even in a brief moment?

Fear...fear wasn't something you could see spread across Kizumi's face. I had gone to high school with him for long enough to know that fear was exempt from his abilities to feel. Blushing, even more forbidden within his exterior image. Yet, just now, he displayed each of those in their most extreme state. I wasn't sure I had ever seen a human being so flustered and so afraid at once.

The feeling of that moment I had been frozen in the hallway followed me home. Through dinner, through before bed preparation, and into my sleep schedule. I lay on my bed, still stuck with that same atmosphere choking me, forcing my eyes to stay open, and causing my thoughts to swirl in a constant motion. I rolled to my side. Kizumi's expression, the feeling...his words. That's right...he said something as well.

"You're so oblivious to everything!"

The words nagged at me. Had I been oblivious to his actions? I knew that he was acting strangely...I knew he treated me slightly different from others. Why was I oblivious? Did I miss something underneath that? How could I know what Kizumi thought when he was always pushing me away? He constantly ignored my questions, dismissed my attempts to converse with him...he wouldn't even let me walk in the hall with him earlier today. I knew I wasn't oblivious to that, that's for sure...

and then...

"You don't understand how it makes me feel when you-"

You idiot...why did you have to run right then? It would have been nice to know what I was doing wrong. I would have been able to fix my actions if he hadn't turned and left so abruptly. I sighed deeply, completely exhausted and extremely lost in my own problems. Nothing pieced together in any way I tried to make it fit. It's like the puzzle had all the pieces, but nothing matched. It was all just a blurry mess of colors with edges that only seemed to fit.

I wonder what Kizumi would say to me tomorrow...or if he'd say anything at all. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I couldn't see him getting angry, but I couldn't imagine him staying silent either. Maybe he just wouldn't even show up. I almost chuckled. That would be stupid to not go to school over something so dumb.

This whole mess was ridiculous, and the thing that made it even more ridiculous was the fact that it wasn't even a mess at all...I just couldn't comprehend it. It was too much to think about...