The Side You See (Yaoi boyxboy)

20 (Kizumi's P.O.V)

I continued to run, even after I was sure I had disappeared from Shirou's sight. I left the school gates and flew down the sidewalk. My vision was blurred from tears. Pathetic... I thought to myself. I was just pathetic. Frantically, I wiped my tears as I slowed down a bit after turning the corner that blocked the school from my sight. As I walked further and further from that hellhole, I shoved my hands in my pocket and held back tears again.

"What the hell..." I muttered to myself, my voice nearly cracking. I couldn't understand it. Why did Shirou have to constantly put me in a position I couldn't understand? Was he really that big of an idiot? Then again...maybe I was the one who was the idiot. Shirou never did anything differently. He was always the same all the time. He never tried to impress me, never put himself in a position below me, but never put himself in a position above me. He was just neutral towards me.

That's why I'm the idiot, right? I quickly dismissed that thought as I approached my house. How could I possibly be the idiot in all of this?

"Stupid." I muttered to myself again, quietly. Shirou was the one who caused all of it, wasn't he? Isn't it his fault I felt like this? When I reached my house, I opened the door to silence, thankfully. I immediately headed up to my room, and locked the door behind me. After plopping down on my bed I laid with my face in my pillow, absolutely still. after some time, I turned my head and sighed angrily.

"Shirou you moron...ugh." I flipped over and placed my arm over my face, biting my lip to hold back more tears. What was it that made me feel he way I did? There was nothing spectacular about Shirou...He was just another student at the same high school as me. He had an annoying amount of friends, and always put others before himself...he was a weak person. Far too nice, even to people he didn't agree with.

But...was that what made him...strong? That and...he wasn't afraid to remain who he was. He acted as the person he was, and didn't change that for impression, ages, or anything. He treated me the same way he treated his friends or the way he would treat someone he didn't like. He was honest about his beliefs in that way.

And then there was the way he looked. Although he was one of the better looking kids, he never portrayed that on purpose. I never saw him use his looks for anything, never pounced from person to person at the school...he was genuine as a person. That's also what pissed me off about him...but whenever he spoke to me I always felt different than when others spoke. Everyone is terrified and forces themselves underneath my position.

Yeah, I beat the shit out of a lot of students. I showed them zero mercy, because I believe people place themselves in a higher position than they should be. People are all exactly the same. None of them are more special than the person sitting next to them. If people couldn't realize that on their own, maybe they all needed to just feel worthless together. 

I knew I was a bad person. I knew, that in everyone else's eyes, I was wrong. So why did Shirou not act like everyone else? Would it have been different if I had beat him up before we had become partners in English? No...That's impossible. That day I almost hit him in class...he asked me why I was going to beat him up. I remember freezing in that moment for a split second and wondering what the hell I was even doing. I could hardly sputter something back to him that was worth saying...

That's how he captured my interest. Not once had someone ever caught me off guard in such a ridiculous way. After that I wanted to see what else he might say what else he might do...and he did nothing. He did absolutely nothing special the whole time. So what in the hell makes me feel so flustered around him? Why do I want to be near him? Why do I want to respond so badly when he says hello to me? I feel so nervous around him that I get nauseous sometimes, but I can't even figure out why. I'm so sick of not being able to control how I feel. I'm tired of feeling something for someone, and not knowing what to do.

"Damnit!" I hit my pillow as hard as I could, then threw it on the floor. I felt a knot form in my throat as tears welled in my eyes. As they fell, all I could do was lie pathetically on my bed, and be forced to feel the same suffering I had been feeling since I met Shirou...