The Side You See (Yaoi boyxboy)

22 (Kizumi's P.O.V.)

I stared at the wall my bed was against. I had literally lost all of the motivation to move at all in the past few days.  I didn't want to leave my room, because I didn't want to face my family. It was annoying trying to explain things to them. Besides, what happened to me was my own business, not everyone else's.

"Kizumi?" My mom knocked on my door. I didn't reply. "Kizumi, answer me please."

"...What?" I sighed.

"You haven't gone to school all week, you know." She said through the door. I knew that...but I didn't want to go to school because I was afraid to face Shirou again. She didn't need to state the obvious.

"I know." I sighed, irritated. There was a pause, and then she continued.

"You miss enough school as it is. You can't just stay home because you want to." Her words were obnoxious. She didn't understand why I was staying home. I could tell her, but it would be pointless. She wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyways. "Shoot. I have to leave. Make sure you don't just lie in bed for the rest of the day, understand?".

I listened to her footsteps fade as she left the house for work. That's how my parents were. In and out of the house all the time because they were so busy with their jobs. It didn't bother me though. I was glad that the house was quiet most of the time. I sighed after listening to the deafening silence for a moment. My mom was right about not sitting in bed all day. I could at least move around, watch T.V...something at least.

I got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I had already taken a shower last night, so I didn't need to do that until later. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, then proceeded to clean my teeth. While I brushed, I stared at my reflection. My eyes weren't red anymore from crying, thankfully. I still felt kind of stuffy though.

It was idiotic, crying over something so stupid. It was probably the first time I had actually cried about something in a long time, too. Most of the time I was bored or irritated with the people around me. After meeting Shirou, though...there came an entirely new emotion. I couldn't even understand what it was. Maybe that's the reason it made me cry...or maybe it was because I didn't know what to do.

Even if I worked up the courage to go to school and face him, I wouldn't know what to say. I'm not even sure how I would be able to act. I could tell myself over and over to just treat him the way I treated everyone else...but actually doing it was so difficult. I spit out my toothpaste and wiped my mouth clean, then headed downstairs. I'm so lost... I thought as I lay down on the couch.

It was so terrible...when he grabbed my arm, I wanted to yell at him, throw him to the ground...something. Anything except what I did do. I still couldn't believe I had run away. Even more, almost blurted something weird and absolutely pathetic. I couldn't control my own mouth though...It was like all of my emotions had piled up so much that the tower was just starting to crumble and fall apart.

What if when I saw him, I did the same thing? If I ran once, didn't that mean I would probably do it again? I couldn't just spend the rest of my last high school year running from Shirou. Not only would it be plain pathetic, but it would be demeaning to myself. That moron...why did he have to be so oblivious to my feelings? Why couldn't he see that he was the reason I was sinking further into this pit of emotion because of him? I wished he would stop.

Almost immediately, I panicked a little. No...I don't want him to stop talking to me, I just...I just what? Isn't that what will make everything better? No...I just wanted to stop feeling like such a fool. It was me who was making everything so complicated for myself. I had nobody else to blame except myself for being an idiot. I laughed at myself and pulled the couch pillow over my face after sitting down on it.

"What is wrong with me..." I mumbled into the pillow and sighed. The doorbell rang suddenly and I looked over at the door. For a moment, I didn't move. Should I answer the door? Would it matter if I did? I kind of just wanted to sit there and do absolutely nothing. 

"So annoying..." I muttered as I stayed seated. After about thirty seconds, it rang again.