The Side You See (Yaoi boyxboy)

24

I felt my cheeks begin to burn as Kizumi kissed me. Then it went from my cheeks to my entire face as he pulled away and looked at me. I didn't focus on his face. I was so shocked I could barely manage to think correctly. I felt my arm get pulled forward and my feet moved with the motion. I was tossed onto the couch, and before I could sit up, Kizumi pinned me down.

He leaned down and kissed me again. My whole face was burning with embarrassment and shock. He continued to kiss me, and I couldn't help but receive it somewhat enjoyably...it felt nice. Kizumi was pretty good at this...

Wait a second...

I pulled my face away from his and pushed him back from me.

"W-what are you doing!?" I exclaimed. This was wrong...and weird. What is wrong with me!?

"You idiot!" Kizumi yelled. I froze with confusion. Me? I was an idiot? I wasn't the one who attacked him. he attacked me. How could he accuse me of being the idiot?

"What?" I replied with a glare beginning to form on my face.

"You constantly do all this crap that makes me feel weird! You're always so positive, and I tried so hard to get you to leave me alone but you kept being so nice! Why didn't you just leave me alone!?" He yelled. He was still sitting on top of me, but I was so focused on his words that I didn't try to move. I was silent.

"...I tried so hard to ignore you. I tried not to think about you at all but I couldn't..." He got off of me and faced away from me as he spoke. "I kept denying the fact that what I wanted was to see you. Every single day, I was so excited for English. Whenever you said hello to me, I wanted to say hi back and talk with you...even when I would just see you in the halls, I wanted to run over to you and...and it pissed me off...I couldn't figure out why I felt like that-" He stopped as his voice began to choke with tears. I sat up and looked at him from behind.

All the blushing, the nervousness...it all made sense now. That whole time...Kizumi was in love with me. I felt my face drop into shame for myself. Why couldn't I see that beforehand? Every time I sat too close to him, he always tensed up and started to get flustered. When I spoke to him, he blushed...and then the day I grabbed his arm, he ran away from me.

Why couldn't I see what Kizumi was feeling? Thinking back it was so obvious...was it because I believed Kizumi hated me, just like everyone else? Could it be because Kizumi was a guy? I'm sure that if he were a girl I would have noticed it more...or was I insensitive? No matter what the cause, I knew now.

"...Kizumi..." I said. I heard a sniff, and his voice cracked when he spoke.

"I know it's stupid..." He sounded so sad...so disappointed with himself. Why though? He couldn't help the way he felt...so he shouldn't be upset with himself. I stood and touched his arm to turn him around. He jerked away and said,

"Don't." His voice was weak and shaky. I dropped my hand, and then stepped forward to embrace him in a hug. He didn't pull away, or yell at me, or even hug me back. He just stood there as I kept my arms wrapped my arms around him.

"...I'm sorry...I..." My voice trailed off as I lost my words. I wasn't sure what to say to him at all.

...and I felt terrible.