Dilemma (Slow Updates)

Updates

I know I've been MIA for a little while. Well, as most know my birthday was Tuesday. My mother thought I looked a bit off, she was deeply concerned. I commenced with informing her there wasn't any issue(s) wrong with me. The next day I was in my piano class, with my professor. I began feeling quite dizzy and lightheaded, weak if you must say. I began with my three page essay on jazz because the professor thinks he's a music theory teacher. Anyhow, when I started writing my hands began trembling. He'd already tried to send me to the nurse twice prior to this incident. And even was a little afraid of letting me drink water from the fountain. This all resulted in my peer who's name is Asya, escorting me down two flights of stairs across campus to the nurse's office. Almost fainting twice. I was stubborn. The nurse alarmed my mother about my unwell being, she was immediately on her way to my aid. Somehow, waiting for her I blacked out. All I remember was being shocked awake. I was unconscious and unresponsive. My mother had taken me with her for her errands saying that if I'd blacked out again we'd go to the hospital. I hate hospitals. I disapproved of her suggestions though I'd blacked out twice more. LoveMsBee wanted me to go, as well as her mother. I was stubborn and refusing to. Throughout the rest of the course of the day, I was still dizzy and lightheaded. I ate lunch with my aunt and mother. Telling her why I wasn't in class at the moment. My mother thought it was bad anxiety. And my insomnia. (Which I suffer from). My aunt said it's a bug going around. My cousin, peers at her school, and teachers have been having the same symptoms. So my mother and I were relieved. It wasn't my anxiety. Furthermore, much later that day we'd picked up my foster sister from school heading straight to SAM's. Getting food for tonight to eat at church. I sat in the motor scooters available. Wheeling around my hands began shaking again. My aunt and mother were alarmed. She offered me her anxiety tablets. My mother was apprehensive. It was not Xanax. After deliberation, my aunt gave me two small tablets. I bought a fountain drink and downed them. Still feeling as though I'd faint. After dropping my aunt to her home, we headed to church. I still felt funny. Unloading the car, so we could eat dinner I held the wall of the church for support. My mother came to my aid. I don't know what happened then. I fainted. I didn't know whether I was breathing or not. I couldn't hear anything. I'd collapsed. When I finally had awaken, I was on a stretcher being put in the back of an ambulance car. The paramedics thought I was faking it. I heard them murmuring about it. I tried to stay awake I had no clue what was happening. Once I got there, the entire emergency room gave me dirty glares and so did the paramedics wheeling me in. All I wanted was my mother. She finally came. I'd whispered everything I heard them say. Eventually, I was admitted into a room. Everyone was worried about me. Well the few my mother informed. I cried so hard waiting for her to come back. The paramedics had the absolute audacity to ask me was I okay? Do I fucking look alright? Finally, she'd come back with my sister. She was worried, too. I felt so weak. In and out of tests and scans and u fine samples. Nurses and doctors coming in. All in result of them finding absolutely nothing wrong. They believe that my anxiety and insomnia shut my body down. I needed to slow down. My body had enough. I was sent home on bed rest for today. In the result, as I type this it had to be the most scariest thing for me to be on a stretcher. I'm saying this because, I'm informing you the dangers of not speaking about your anxiety or insomnia issues too an adult. And not being too stubborn to get help. I don't want you all to end up like me.

In my heart I truly believe the paramedics thought I was faking because I'm of color, in adolescence, and probably taking narcotics. Why would I fake something I know could cost my mother thousands of dollars to pay for. Never. In result, I'll be trying to update today. It's just ironic how I just had a birthday two days ago. Then yesterday I collapse. Thank god it wasn't a seizure. Anxiety and insomnia could've caused one. I thankful to be home.

Much love, Rita