Chapter 1

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(Thomas POV)

I sit in Biology as my teacher hands me back my paper,the test grades a C. A pass,luckily. I sigh and tap my boyfriends Newt's shoulder who sits in front of me. He quickly shuffles and hides his test away,I raise my brow-

"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah.." He mutters.
"What did you get?"
"D,"
"Newt do you need help studying?"
"I'm fine,"

He turns back around and I shake my head. Newt was my best friend too, I'd support him no matter what,it didn't change him being the amazing person he was. He was smart as well. I didn't understand it. Since he turned sixteen he's been acting dumber to people,pretending not to be smart. He's still the smartest person I know to date,what is he doing with himself?

"Thomas?" Brenda calls,the Punk girl who I've known since our debate in music class from when we were twelve,she smiles and walks to me. I take the time to notice her colourful wristbands and manifesto of colours sprayed across her shirt "You and Newt coming today after school? My first speech,"
I nod "Of course,"
"Thanks!" She kisses my cheek and skips off.

Along as being a passionate music fan,Brenda was also full of confidence. It had taken us years to help her with her anxiety but she could debate,her flawless writing. Everyone I cared about seem to have a beautiful passion. Everyone,except for me.

I smile and pull Newt to me,he shuffles slightly and I look into his eyes,

"You okay?" I mutter.
"Fine."
"Let's go,Brenda's speech."
"I can't,"
"Why not?"
"Going out,I told you this,"
"Come on dude,she really needs us."
"I'm sorry."
I glare at him for a few seconds "When you wanted to come out about being gay who was there for you? Her. You can't be selfish Newt,it'll do nothing."
He gulps and runs his hands through his hair "Okay,I will."
"Good babe," I kiss his lips gently and pull away,resting my forehead on his for a few seconds. We pull away and I take his pale hand,squeezing it tight as we walk to the auditorium. It's a few of us-Minho,Gally,Sonya,Ben and a couple others who I don't know.

"You've got this Brenda.." I mutter as she walks onto the stage, shaking heavily as the bright light is emitted onto her. She checks the crumpled up piece of paper in her hands for a few seconds then folds it back up again,gulping as she begins to speak-

"What makes us happy? Simple answers would be food,shelter.maybe new clothes or technology. Always,for the lucky ones,family.

But what about the ones who's families who's circumstances have become a mixed drink of the victims. Of one part left alone and two parts tragedy. The ones who wake up everyday without a word of "I love you" from mum or dad. We deserve to know who we are,or at least have a choice for who we want to be. We live in a world so hateful,so judgemental that people would rather die than be who they truly are. So broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing. The world is made up of this,and I hope beauty one day takes away the pain which people have to go through everyday. I hope pain dies.

This is our world. And I don't think it wants to be saved."

She keeps going,her words like music to my ears. As she finishes we all stand up to applaud. I run to her and hug her tight,I feel her heart heavily beating against my chest.

"You were amazing Brenda,I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you,Tom."

"You really were.." I hear Newt mumble as I take his hand "Tommy.. Can we go?"
"Of course. I'll see you guys tomorrow," I hold Newt close as we walk to my Jeep. He sits in the passenger seat but I don't drive yet. I just admire him. Stroking a finger down his soft cheek then tracing his sharp jawline.

"Tommy.." He mumbles "Can you.. Kiss me?"
"Forever," I whisper as I gently press my lips to his. Newt's hands instantly cup my cheeks as he let's out a small whimper of pleasure into my mouth,I run my hands down from his shoulders,to his waist,then down his legs. Lifting his light body up so it can wrap around my waist as I lie him across the back three seats,crawling over as I press delicate kisses against the skin of his neck,sucking gently then heavily at his sweet spot as little moans escape his mouth. I smile and pull away at this point,placing him back down then starting to drive,his face is still bright red.
I wanted to tell him I loved him. I couldn't, it had been three years. We had kissed thousands of times,seen each other naked but never made love,never even said it. To be honest I don't even know what I felt for him. Except for this feeling. This overwhelming emotion that every time I saw him in school,I couldn't breathe until I was with him. I needed him close to me. I didn't admire anyone,didn't see any guy except for Newt. Something was special,to this day I still haven't figured it out. He was like looking at the ocean: some days, you could tell what mood he was in. Most days, though, it was unreadable, mysterious.

After about fifteen minutes we pull up at my house,a small bungalow where I lived with my mum,dad and twin sister Teresa. We walk past and into my room,pale walls with posters of bands such as Bring me The Horizon,Oasis,Twenty One Pilots,Fall Out Boy. Etc.. There was an entire draw top filled with photo frames with me and Newt one. I smile and stroke my finger across one of them as Newt wraps his arms around my waist,kissing my neck for a few seconds,nuzzling his nose into the crook of it. I chuckle and turn around to him as I see Teresa at the door,smirking. Newt jumps away immediately as she walks in,leaning against the wall.

"I hear wedding bells," she mocks.
I scoff and roll my eyes "Come on,just let me get my high school years out the way first,"
"Well... I thought Aris would be here?"
I scoff "You seriously like him Teresa?"
"He's cute. Anyway, I'll leave you two love birds in peace," she then walks off and closes the door behind her. I sigh and turn back to Newt who smiles innocently.
"You're so beautiful Newt.."
He blushes and looks down "You're not so bad yourself,Tommy."
I laugh and push him shoulder. Sitting close beside me "Let's work on our Physics revision yeah? I'm trying to remember what a refracting lens is.. It keeps slipping out my head."
"It's made up of an objective and eyepiece lens," the words slip out his mouth as he looks down,like he's ashamed "Or so I think. Look,I'm gonna go to the bathroom," he kisses my nose softly and walks out. I see his school bag and open it,rooting through his folder as I see his Biology test ripped up in his bag,like he's committed a crime and trying to hide an evidence. But I see the grade,it's an A*. He lied to me,why would he do that? I shake my head and stuff it back in as Newt takes his bag.

"My dad's picking me up,I'll see you soon,"
"Okay,bye," he kisses me gently and walks to the door. Stopping suddenly. As if he's wanting for me to tell him something. I sigh and give him a small smile which he returns then leaves. I groan and run my hands through my hair as Teresa skips back in.

"Everything okay Tom?"
I shrug "I think.. Newt's lying to me."
"How do you mean?"
"I think he's pretending to be someone he's not."
"He just wants you to like him."
"I do,he's my world!"
"So why don't you tell him that?"
"Those exact words?"
"Yeah. You should write them in the sky,sing it. Tell him you love him and-"
"Woah! Hold up,I don't love Newt."
"Tom,you do."
"I'm sixteen!"
"Love doesn't have an age,"
I shake my head and turn away "I don't,"
"Tom-"
"Leave me.. Please,"

She storms out and slams the door shut. I pant and look down,running my hands through my hair as I let out little sniffles and a small tear falls down my cheek,I didn't bother wiping away. I felt numb.

Newt was lying to me.

Why?

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