The Art of Falling in Love

Chapter Thirty

❝I promised myself I would never fall in love with you. But it was 4 am and we were laughing way too hard and I felt happy for the first time in a long time and I knew I was screwed.❞ -via Tumblr

I used to be in love with Joshua Williams. Though I never wanted to believe it, I've come to the acceptance recently that my first love is Josh.

I know I had been in love with him because he had made me feel like no other human possibly could. When he laughed, my day became brighter. When he cried, my world came crashing along with him. Even though our end had been swift and bitter, that didn't change the fact that he had once been my infinite star filled sky. He had made everything bearable.

Then, like everything, our love came to an end. As time trickled by, I slowly began to realize that my lungs no longer needed him to breathe. I realized that the days still go by, the world still turned and my heart still beat.

At first, I had been hesitant with Noah. He reminded me too much of Joshua, too much of a memory I wanted to leave behind. Yet with time, as my universe began colliding with Noah's, I found that Joshua no longer belonged in my world, and that even though he was as beautiful as the moonlight from above, I longed for a change in scenery.

Noah has become my night sky decorated with a sea of stars. He's the brightest cosmos I have ever seen.

Standing in front of him, looking into his hazel eyes, I realize that he is the most important person in my life.

Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

"Are you okay?" I finally manage to ask.

"No," he simply says. "You slept with your ex-boyfriend. How are you so smart and dumb at the same time, Diana?"

I can tell he is getting serious. These past few months, all he's been calling me is "love," and I've grown accustomed to it. He only ever uses my actual name when a situation is really serious. It is odd seeing Noah in such a solemn state; I am not used to it.

"I didn't realize it was such a big deal," I say, confused. "Why are you so mad?"

"You can be real dense sometimes, Diana," Noah groans, frustration evident.

"How about you figure out your own damn problems with Amelia before you judge me?" I snap back, his judgment making me feel defensive.

"What problems?" He asks in a mocking tone.

"Oh, just that she's still in love you! How are you so blind?"

"I could ask you the same thing! Why do you care so much that Amelia has feelings for me?"

"Why do you care that I slept with Josh?" Our voices begin to escalate, turning into yells.

"Because I care so fucking much about you!" Noah exclaims. "I like you, Diana. You deserve the world and Joshua is not going to be the one to give it to you."

I am quiet for a moment, registering his words. I had no idea he cares for me as much as I care for him.

"It was stupid," I say, my voice calmer now. "I made a bad decision. It won't happen again, but I can't say the same about you and Amelia. You two are more confusing than math."