The First Time (Phan)

Chapter 25 - I'm Glad

Chapter 25

31st October 2009

Phil's POV

The feeling of his lips pressed against mine sent a shiver down my spine. Feeling my body erupt into a complete feeling of relaxation and pleasure as his arms timidly wrapped around my neck. The softness of his lips so inviting that all I wanted was more of him. He was so tempting, as though he was a drug to satisfy my addiction after trying to quit.

At that precise moment my world was just a whirlwind of complete and utter confusion. A fog moving through all of my thoughts as I tried to find the answer I was looking for.

How are you suppose to feel when your best friend tells you he has feelings for you? It's a hard concept to grasp. Imagine the person you thought to be the closest person to you, suddenly announcing they want more of you than what they already had. Is it a sign of greed or care. It's strange, thinking you knew them as well as you know yourself. But then again, not everyone knows themselves as well as they think they do.

I thought I was a straight white cis guy who was just struggling finding love. But that changed when I was fourteen and realised that fantasising what it would be like to kiss a boy as well as a girl didn't fit into that category. Our opinions of ourselves change overtime and so does our outlook on things. I thought I was happy with my close friendship with Dan but now with this new option laid out in front of me, the temptation to have him was too much.

As I felt him pull away slightly I instantly knew what I wanted. Grabbing the side of his waist I pull him closer to me and bring our lips together in a much stronger way. His lips chapped yet still so inviting.

It was now that I realised how much I'd cared for Dan. All the small looks he gave me that send me into a whole new world. All the utter nonsense he says about how worthless he is, yet stills bothers me despite not believing. I don't like seeing him damaged, I want to make him better and actually believe in himself. I want him to look to me for motivation and care. All I want is his happiness and the be the cause of a lot of it. As selfish as it is, it has good meaning behind it. I want to be the one that he tells his darkest secrets to, I want to be the one who kisses his mouth and sets him free of all his troubles. If anyone hurt him I'd be sure to bite back and make sure that they never come near him again. I want Dan to be mine.

I start to deepen the kiss as I feel Dan slightly open his mouth, my tongue slipping into his and exploring the new world inside. His tongue was shy against mine but I could still feel the passion he was hiding. Wanting him to relax more I slow moved my hands up his t-shirt, making sure to slightly scratch his back as I do so, and gently wind my fingers through his hair. That's when he moans slightly and the happiness inside me explodes with joy. He likes this.

Even our first kisses we shared weren't as passionate as this. We'd always been in situation where our natural instincts had taken over. This was all on our own account. Dan had initiated it with his confession and that had only lead me to react in the way I wanted to. All I needed was that trigger in order to shoot the gun.

I pull away when I suddenly realise that we were still sat on the fountain, in the middle of a public park. I tried not to laugh at the older couple I had spotted a few metres away sat on a bench with open mouths of disgust. Whether that be the public display of affection or the fact we're two boys I don't know, nor do I care. I was happy and two ignorant elders weren't going to prevent that.

As Dan opened his eyes and looked at me, the warm welcoming of his brown eyes made my heart flip over a thousand times. I felt the blush creeping on my cheeks at the same time his mirrored my reaction. His crater of a dimple was displayed proudly as a wide shinning smile was spread across his cheeks. I returned with a small crooked one as I tried to speak the words I wanted to say.