The First Time (Phan)

Chapter 26 - You Phil Lester

Chapter 26

31st October 2009

Dan's POV

I really want to punch Chris in the face right now. Here I am just admitting to my best friend that I have more than platonic feelings for him, my face glowing bright red and my heart racing an unnaturally fast rate. And he just comes barging in on the moment with his boyfriend, who my best friend apparently knows, yet I seem to be the only one who's confused?

Glancing over at Phil, all I see is a stupid smirk on his face and if this was any other situation I would've fallen at his feet then and there. But with Chris's statement hanging in the air and Phil encouraging is downright invasive behaviour, all I want to do now is slap the stupid smirk off his face. Of course I'm not actually going to do that so instead I glare at him, clearly showing how pissed off I am, and all he does is laugh at my attempts at being threatening. Fucking brilliant!

"You know. This isn't a story worth telling." I grumble under my breathe as I dart my attention over to Chris. His obnoxiously tall form currently leaning over me and Phil who still sat on the concrete edge of the fountain.

Chris, for once in his life, seems to get the message I'm trying to 'subtly' tell him so he simply places his hands on PJ's back before starting to leave. "Well. Um, look PJ I think we better go! Nice seeing you boys! Bye have fun. Not too much fun. I mean, um. Bye!"

I'm going to rip that boys head off I swear to God.

I try to keep a happy, smiley face as I wave a goodbye, my fake grin obviously not as Oscar worthy perfect as I wanted it to be as I saw fear flick across PJ's face. Only knowing me for a few minutes after meeting him for the first time back in Manchester, and now, I'd been incredibly angry and agitated both times so I'm now certain he thinks that's my permanent personality.

As they disappeared around the corner of the block of flats that over looked the park, I felt a small tap on my shoulder. Feeling the blood rush to my cheeks I can't help but feel pure embarrassment as I turn to face Phil looking like a comical cartoon character.

"I think the story's worth telling." He reaches out and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His soft skin sending shivers around my body and instantly relaxing me.

I can't look him in the eyes. Yes, the hard bit is over and I have told him. But what is someone to do when asked how long they've had a crush on someone. To be perfectly honest I don't know the answer to the question myself. When exactly did it hit me that, oh! I have feelings for my best friend. Did I ever not? Oh for crying out loud this is hurting my brain. I'm not normally like this. I haven't felt 'feelings' for anyone for as long as I know. Yes, I admit I've got them now and he knows. But I can't even pinpoint the beginning of this story where I realised the conclusion I have.

Now I could run from this situation like I always do. It's what I do best after all. When it comes to serious situations my body always seems to take over and listens to the flee instinct we posses. But I can't do that to Phil, he deserves to know at least where I decided to sort these emotions out.

"It's not exactly a short tale Phil." I smile to myself as I try my best to ignore the look of concern I can feel from him. "It would take at least a novel to write about every intricate detail. I can't even pinpoint the beginning."

"Well, how about the first time we met?" Phil's hand gently lowers onto my shoulder as he gives me a small squeeze of comfort.

"It's hard to explain Phil." I say shyly. "You just told me you like me too. Can you pinpoint the exact moment you had feelings for me?" I lean into his touch and rest my head into the crook of his neck, the feel of his longer strands of hair brushing across my forehead.

I hear the small gulp he has before he hesitates. It's a hard question to be asked. Yet I need the help in order to give Phil the answer he deserves.

"No. I don't. Not really." He breathes out.

I feel the drop of my heart reach my stomach. To be perfectly honest that wasn't the answer I was expecting. I was hoping he'd be able to pinpoint the date, time, month, whatever! But instead I received the uncertainty I share as well. Which I guess isn't exactly bad because it means that it's more than just me who experiences this confused state. However it would've been nice to know he was with it fully enough to support me.

"However." His voice breaks my trail of thought that was slowly beginning to drive me insane. "Just because I can't point out the exact date I had feelings for you. Doesn't mean it's non-existence. From the moment we met I instantly cared for you Dan. The thought of being separated was diabolical. Hence when the moment rose to meet you again after two weeks, I snapped at it the second it came about! Dan, when I'm at home sitting on my bed, all I remember is that you once sat on the bed too. My room fills empty when your not there and it breaks my heart. I don't feel at home in my own house. That's until I Skype you or even better, if I'm physically with you. You, Daniel James Howell, have somehow managed to weave under my skin, bury yourself into my, what was once unused, heart and taken home there. Dan I have feelings for you. That's all that matters ok? It should be for you and it is for me. The fact you have feelings is more than enough. I was only having a small joke with your friend about needing to know the intricate details of when and where it was you discovered them. It's ok Dan. I promise you."

My heart beats quickly as I feel him press a gentle kiss to the top of my head. His touch soft and caring as his gentle lips move further down my face causing me to lift my head and meet my lips with his once again. His soft smile was still in form as a single tear rolled down my cheek and mixed into our sweet kiss. Phil took noticed of course and pulled away instantly to wipe away the tears that had now escaped from my eyes.

His eyes shine down at me with a light I had never seen before. Yes, they were always bright but now it looked as though there was a whole other world behind them. I often forget that Phil was four years older than me and though it may not be a lot; it's enough for him to have that little bit more wisdom than what I do. So for him to come out with this amazing philosophical answer to my stupid unsurity, made my heart swell. The pure genuine care that oozed out of his voice left me feeling lighter than air and coming to the conclusion I was searching for.

"Phil?" I reach out for his hand, watching as our fingers entwine to fit perfectly together. The blush returning to my cheeks as I can feel his gaze looking down at me with curiosity. "You're the most important thing to ever happen to me in my life and that's all that should matter. From the moment that I saw your dorkey face on my screen I knew that you were going to be important to me. When you first spoke to me directly through my crappy webcam, I felt safe with each word you spoke. I guess if I had to pick a time I felt this way about you, I'd say it was right at the beginning. That small ignite turned on and the time we've been together has only allowed the flame to grow bigger and stronger." I smile to myself as I hide my face in his palm still cupping my cheek. "You Phil Lester, are very important to me and there's nothing you can do about it ."

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