The First Time (Phan)

Chapter 13 - Little Old Ladies and The Smell of Old Books

Chapter 13

Phil's POV

October 19th 2009

We couldn't help but snigger and giggle like a pair of school girls when we left the Apple Store. I'd never been close to being kicked out of any shop, but seeing people look at us disapprovingly whilst we quietly laughed just made the whole situation ten times funnier.

"Dan you're such a bad influence!" I shoved him slightly as we stood outside the shop, just after tweeting our followers. "I've never been kicked out of a shop and since it's our official first day together and that happens. I'm blaming you!" I poked my tongue out at him causing him to scrunch his nose back at me.

"Oh hush Phil," he laughed, "Sometimes you have to live a little." He winked jokily towards me but that didn't stop the butterflies fluttering faster in my stomach.

Dan was such a confident person on the outside, always laughing and joking; letting out small comments that always had me (and others) in fits of laughter. But I knew it was just a mask he wore to cover the parts of him he wanted to keep inside of him. Not that this cheeky extrovert wasn't a part of him, it was; it just wasn't all of him. He'd had his wars and battles. His issues with bullies, his lack of confidence when actually trying to make friends, the fact that being in the middle of a crowd causes him to panic. Barely anyone saw beneath the mask, and I felt so privileged to know about the many layers of Dan Howell.

"Hello." Dan's voice was very quiet amongst the noise my brain was making, "Earth to Phil. You there?" I took Dan in even more, right now for example. He stood light on his feet, prepared for anything. His shoulders were out and broad as he stood straight with his chin slightly raised. He looked as though he knew exactly where he was, as though he owned the street and all those who were on it. Yet just a simple look in his eyes was enough for me to see that he was starting to get uncomfortable with people shoving past the pair of us to reach their destination.

I couldn't help it; I pulled his into a bone crushing hug, almost lifting him off the floor as his slightly smaller body crushed beneath my arms. It took him a moment to realise what I was doing and it wasn't too long until I felt his arms snake around my back, giving me the reassurance that he was ok.

I pulled away slowly and looked him deep in the eyes. The same eyes that were mere pixels on my screen last night. They shone with happiness as he stared back at me. I would swear I noticed his pupils dilate but that may have just been a trick of the light or wishful thinking.

After seeing Dan in the flesh, it was safe to say I had a bit of a crush on him. I was perfectly ok excepting this, I've never been fussed about my sexuality, not that I'd ever come close to needing to worry. But seeing him, in all his real perfection I couldn't help but feel weak at the knees from a simple 'flirty' action he'd do in my direction; or feel my heart racing faster whenever he was pulled into my arms.

I don't know how to describe it, but it was as though my heart and emotions had suddenly been bought to life. Suddenly I was feeling things I never felt, my palms sweated slightly with nerves, my voice got stuck or would stammer whenever Dan caught my eyesight. I was slowly falling apart but to be honest, I was excited about it. Not only did I feel as though I was going to crumble but I felt as though I was walking on air, I'd never felt happier, the only thing I needed was the feelings to be mutual.

"Phil?" Dan's voice suddenly broke my trail of thought. He let out a little laugh as I realised I'd been staring directly at him. I felt a blush creep over my cheeks as Dan tried to hold back a small laugh at my sudden embarrassment.

I let out a little cough, "Oh...um...sorry about that. My mind suddenly went to Philland..." instantly I mentally punched myself in the face. Philland! I sounded so childish! Philland? What even was that?