Always

Drown your sorrows (revised)

A.N. Dedicated to my best friend Melissa_212 thanks for being a huge supporter of my story.

There are certain people in this world that run away from their problems, but there are also the ones who go at them head on. I like to think of myself as a runner, I never stay put when things start to look bad, I flee.

I shake Peeta's arms off of me and bolt for the door, I have to get out of here.
"Katniss!" I hear Peeta yelling after me, but I don't stop running, I can't. One part of me wishes he would chase after me and hold my tired body, while another part is glad he didn't follow me. I just don't know which part is right.

The sound of my feet hitting the frozen ground fills the air and eventually my sobs join it.

The cellar is damp and cold, but I don't move to leave. Instead, I wrap a work sheet around my body and lay on the hard ground. All victor's houses look the same, so it wasn't hard to find the basement window and break through. A gust of wind goes by, and I pull my legs against my chest, letting the icy wind take away my pain.

The tears begin to fall, but I don't bother wiping them away, there is no point. Maybe I could wrap my head around the fact of going back into the arena, if I wasn't pregnant, but I am. I'd be killing my child too. My cries turn into sobs and my sobs turn into hysteria, but they stop when I think of him. Peeta. Oh poor Peeta, here I am wallowing in the bottom of a basement when he is going into the arena as well. Even if Haymitch was reaped, Peeta would volunteer. It's just his nature, a nature that I adore. I have to save him, even if it means dying in the process.

"Haymitch!" The stench of vomit and stale bread, no longer lingers in the house. Instead it's a lemony smell, with a hint of whiskey. I find him sitting at the table with a half full bottle of liquor.

"So you finally did the math, realized two of us are going back into the arena. And you're here to what, ask me to die?" His words are slurred, but still understandable. I shake my head and sit in the chair across from him.

"We have to save him," I reach for the bottle of liquor, but Haymitch holds it tight.

"No way am I letting you drink this, you've got a little one in you. You can drown your sorrows with something else." He says while pointing towards my small tummy. "And why should I save him?" He asks while taking another sip.

"You choose me in the arena, but you always liked Peeta better. Haymitch, you owe me, he has to live." He stares at me until I start to fidget in my seat.

"You could live a hundred lifetimes and still not deserve that boy." His words cut deep, but I don't let it show.
He takes another drink and stares into the liquid with such intensity, I'm sure it'll explode.

"If he gets chosen, I'll volunteer, but if I'm chosen and he takes my place. Then there is nothing I can do." He motions for me to leave and continues to drink. Maybe he should find another way to drown his sorrows, as well.

I hear voices shouting my name, but I simply stand on Haymitch's front porch watching the moon. I place my hand on my small, round stomach and start to whisper. "You're daddy will love you. I was never cut out to be a mom, maybe it's a good thing I won't be." My head fills with jumbled thoughts and my vision begins to blur. 

I can't tell if it's the tears, or my headache, but I begin to see spots and my stomach clenches.

"Katniss!" I hear the yelling again and this time I try to reach them, but my feet won't move. The two tall figures move closer towards me and break out into a run.

"Peeta!" I shout back to the voice.
The first Peeta is tall and burly with dark brown hair and seam gray eyes. Peeta number two is a tad shorter, but more muscular, with blonde, curly hair and blue eyes. I think I prefer the second one better.