Always

Last Wish

Hey. Guess what! It's my birthday! Ahhhhh!

I stare down at the ash covered earth, the debris the bombing on twelve left behind. My baby bump prohibits me from being able to see my feet, but maybe that's a good thing. I don't know if I could handle staring into the eyes of the skull below me. Because the one person that could keep me strong through this, is gone.

Peeta Mellark, my husband and the father of my child has been taken.

And yet his ghost haunts me relentlessly. It whispers his words in my head and reminds me of his warmth, his eyes, his laughter. Everything about him that I want, but can't have. Despite how much the whispers hurt me, they're the only thing keeping me sane. They're the only thing keeping me grounded.

It's funny how I'm hearing voices and it's keeping me sane. Most think I'm crazy and I probably would too, if it were someone else's voice I was hearing. But it isn't. It's Peeta's.

You'll never loose me, I'm always around.

The ocean waves were running over our bodies and our tears were mixing on our faces. He had promised that he'd always be around, but he isn't. He saved me, he saved us.

My hand finds my now five month stomach, the small bump that had been there before, has turned into an actual belly. I feel the baby fluttering in the womb on a daily basis, but instead of bringing joy, it brings pain. Because Peeta isn't here. The doctor says I should feel the baby kick anytime now, but I don't want to experience it without Peeta. Every doctors appointment, my mind stretches to him. I imagine his face when hearing the heartbeat, or seeing the baby. But with Peeta not here, he doesn't know the secret that I'm keeping. We're not having a baby, we're having twins.

And as much as I hate the doctors appointments, I know that Peeta would love them. I can imagine the excitement on his face, the twinkle in his eye. And knowing this, being haunted by his whispers, always causes me to cry during the appointment. The first time I heard our babies heartbeats. The first time I saw our babies little grainy images on the TV screen.

Peeta wasn't there to smile. He wasn't there for his eyes to widen in excitement and awe. He wasn't there to find out we are having twins. He wasn't there at all. He's not with me.

You are the only thing our child will ever need in life.

"No I'm not Peeta, our kids need you. They need a father that can teach them to bake, or a father that will love them unconditionally. Peeta, they need you. I need you." I whisper into the air.

But my hands find my stomach once more, curving around the bump, and I force myself to continue walking. The babies are the only thing that truly keep me going. Everything I do is for them. My children are actually the one nurturing me, reminding me that a part of Peeta is with me, aside from his ghostly whispers. I know that it sounds as though I'm crazy, but I'm not broken. Cracked, maybe. But not broken. Not yet.

Haymitch was there when I first woke up in the hospital, sitting by my bedside. Of course, I'd immediately burst into tears as the reality struck me. The fact that Peeta was gone. The fact that my drug-induced nightmares were, in fact, real. Haymitch let me cry myself out, and then started to slowly tell me of all that I had missed and what I had to expect.

He told me that not only was Peeta captured by the Capitol, but Johanna and Enobaria as well. Despite the fact that Enobaria is a Career and wouldn't have hesitated to kill me, I still pity her fate. Johanna though . . . Johanna I fear and worry for. A new friend she may be, but when you make a friend during the Hunger Games, it's a bond that few understand.