We're All Crazy Here! [Creepypasta Fanfiction]

12: Le Applè La Fabulousness

With a quiet sigh, Jeff settled down on the ledge of an eighteenth-storey building's windy roof.

Why do so many people live in luxury apartments nowadays? What's wrong with a normal house? What happened to all those climb-thru windows that made it easy as picking up some Mac Donald's?

He'd been hunting on and on for about two and a half hours without much luck. There simply was no evidence to collect - he was tried and tired.

The crazy killer stifled a yawn and hugged his knees, resembling a kawaii ball of hoodie-ness. Bloodstained hoodie-ness. Ha! I'm the fabulous Jeff the Killer! Failure doesn't faze me!

Then his shoulders sagged as he was hit with the crushing reality that actually it did. If I don't come up with something fast; Dark Link and BEN will laugh in my face and never let me forget it!

Twitching and muttering to himself, Jeff fell sideways. Luckily for him, it was the right way. Otherwise he would've gone plummeting. Heaven's knows - his pants might've fallen off too or something.

Think, Mr. Fabulous! Think! He knocked on his achey head with a clenched fist. I don't think this is how it goes in the movies...

Next, he rolled himself into an upward position and stared unblinkingly at the clouds as if they held all the secrets to the world. Which, to be frank, they technically did.

Okay, all of these people were killed by somebody who's not L.J. They were either hacked to pieces or died from weird heart complications. Oooh, heart complications. Where did those words come from?

Jeff cocked his head to one side, causing his fabulous locks of raven hair to unfurl from his shoulders and hang like fabulous rat-tails. "Heart Complications sounds like the name of a luxury chocolate..."

One could clearly see a thought bubble formulating over his sociopathic little brain.

"Luxury chocolates sometimes have razorblades in them..."

He continued with his highly-vocalised speculating, dragging his palms over the rooftop's rough granite floor for some seriously weird kind of inspiration.

"Tigers have razor-sharp teeth..."

Jeff leaned back leisurely on his arms.

The strings of his hoodie came loose and dangled from his chest. A nyan cat randomly appeared out of nowhere and started swatting them, but he didn't notice.

"Stripes are used for provocative wear and Kagekao has a stripy scarf..."

All of a sudden, he propelled himself forward and caused the nyan cat to zoom off in a burst of rainbows and poptarts. Jeff's fabulous hair went flying in the wind, but he didn't notice that either.

"That's it! The final piece of the puzzle is finally in place! Kagekao must be sexually attracted to chocolate!"

Somewhere on the distant plane of immortal limbo - Jeff's ancestors wept.

Elsewhere on the not-so-distant plane of the apartment below, BEN was crumpling up his copy of L.J's kill list and kicking off his shoes to get comfy on the couch of some bulky geezer who'd been beheaded.