We're All Crazy Here! [Creepypasta Fanfiction]

21: Candy Apples, Kawaii Apples, Crazy Apples

At the change of guard, L.J made his move and snuck into Zalgo's lair via teleportation.

The monochrome clown proudly dusted himself off and took some time to pick up all the candy he'd dropped.

Then he surveyed the area.

Nothing had changed much at all. Actually, no. There was differences. Some cheap tinsel had been tacked around the walls to give a Christmassy feel to it.

To be completely honest, it just made the place look even gloomier.

Something bounced against his feathery shoulder, causing him to jump with a yowl. He looked closely, then laughed and brushed it off.

L.J pawed a giant bauble that randomly fell from the ceiling at even randomer intervals and made a dash for the nearest door before anything else could hit him in random places.

In the department of notability, a headless minion went marching right past him at some point. Since it was, well, headless, it did not see him.

He slowed down and made a quick detour in the middle of sneaking around.

L.J happily clawed his way into the kitchen and emerged a few minutes later with a swirly lollipop. What exactly a swirly lollipop had been doing in the lair's kitchen was entirely up for debate.

"Now then..." The clown mumbled to himself, "I'll find out what the prince of darkness is up to..."

But first, he took a bite out of the lollipop and chewed it with a dreamy expression. Laughing Jack and candy went awfully well together.

He knew exactly where to start; the computer room.

You'd expect an evil mastermind like Zalgo to have a huge command centre with hi-tech laboratories and huge screens to monitor his enemies down to every single breath they took.

Well, I'm not saying that the former wasn't true in some part of the complex labyrinth that was Zalgo's lair, but Zalgo's computer room was only the size of a broom closet.

You didn't need much space if all you used it for was making questionable online purchases. A salt and battery, minion uniforms and a pet monkey called Tom were only a few of those aforementioned purchases.

L.J crept towards the door in typical creepy fashion and pressed an ear to the hollow wood, listening hard.

Excellent.

He could hear the clicky-click-click of keyboard keys.

L.J decided to peek through the keyhole to see what Zalgo was doing in there. Take note kids; this is how yaoi happens.

Phantom would insert a dirty joke right now, but she can't think of one.

Jeff.

Candy cane.

Oyster.

(Intrusive Author's Note:  Theo333 - I'm sorrynotsorry.)

Sure enough, Zalgo was at the desk, fully decked in an ebony cloak with the hood up. Y'know how some people like wearing pajamas around the house?

This was the equivalent.

He was scrolling through Amazon, specifically looking their selection of hamster balls.

His shopping cart already included one that looked like a disco ball and featured a traumatized-looking rodent on the packaging.