We're All Crazy Here! [Creepypasta Fanfiction]

16: Conflicting Cup Noodles, Idiotic Creepypastas, And Apples

Internally moaning to herself, Jane clambered through the open window. She stood up and dusted off with dignity, cursing every name under the sun.

Who the hell lives so bloody high up?

After regaining her composure she began to take a look around, to explore her surroundings and figure out what kind of hellhole this was.

Grimy walls spoke of months of negligence, or cheap cleaning service. The floor was littered with empty fast food wrappers. One of them still had melty cheese clinging onto it, though now it was buzzing with flies.

Looking thoroughly grossed out and disgusted beyond belief, Jane delicately made her way out of the terrible excuse for an apartment.

Oh, and there was a body sprawled out on the couch; a chubby dude who'd apparently bled to death and had several knives sticking out of his chest.

Details, details, such insignificant details.

The sassy creepypasta made her way towards the next room, delicately stepping over what looked like the remnants of a beer can that'd been shoved into a toaster. This place is officially weird.

She poked her head around the door of the next apartment. The lights were on but nobody was home. Well, actually someone was, but that person was dead so it doesn't count.

Blimey, has everyone been bunked off around here? She wondered, blinking in utter confusion.

All of a sudden, a mangled scream parted the silence. It came from an apartment five doors down. Guess not. Jane stalked towards the source of the scream with creepypastaish glee.

She flattened herself to a wall and peeked around the doorframe, hoping for something gory and glimpse of whoever had slaughtered so many people in one night.

Instead, she was quite disappointed to see the sight of BEN inside a refrigerator with his butt sticking out in the air while Jeff sat on the floor playing with a ping-pong ball.

Two cups of cup noodles were sitting on the blood-splattered kitchen counter, each covered with a heavy weight. Judging by the delicious smell of chicken and veggies, their contents were swimming nicely in hot water. 

"-But the directions say to wait only five minutes!" Jeff complained aloud, apparently not noticing the presence of his arch-rival at all.

"Well the recipe I found on the internet said to wait fifteen!" BEN argued, hopping down from the fridge with an armload of frozen goodies huddled comfortably in his arms.

"Recipe? It's cup noodles! You just pour in the seasonings, fill hot water up to the fill line, snap off the bendy spoon and then eat it when it's cooked - which only takes five minutes!"

Looking frustrated, Jeff stopped whacking the ping pong ball against a heavy trashcan and began eying the ball lustfully. Lustfully as in the hungry way.

What else were you thinking?!

"Look, all I'm saying is that you should listen to me because I say so!" BEN said huffily, swelling up to his full height - he was busy with trying to yank open an ice cream tub's icy lid at the time.

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Pineapples don't make any sense either but people still eat them!"

"What the hell does that have to do with literally anything we've been discussing for the past fifteen minutes?"

BEN paused for a second to seriously consider his question. Then he opened his mouth to give Jeff his wise insight into the matter, speaking squeakily and knowledgeably.

"I don't know but I'm hungry."

Ah, thus such words were remembered forevermore by Jeff, Jane and all 'dem weeping ancestors above.
Their brief stint of random conversation was cut short by the unfortunate interruption of Jeff lunging forward to grab one of the aforementioned cup noodle containers.

"Screw all this waiting stuff - I'm hungry enough to eat a hippo!"

"-Animal abuse! Kill him!" Screeched a random manly old lady, who was promptly dragged out of the building by security. How and why she'd been there was a total mystery to everyone including the author.

Jeff pounced upon the unsuspecting cup of noodles and began to eat rabidly without any reguard for formality. Or cutlery. He just slurped it straight outta the cup.

Jane rolled her eyes and wondered if the crazy killer knew that his internal organs weren't covered with a thick layer of leathery skin unlike everything on the outside.

Probably not, she concluded with a shrug of her shoulders.

There were so many better things she could've been doing with her life right then - not least of all grooming her hair and posting a selfie to drive her fanboy base insane.

BEN decided to egg on and encourage Jeff's feeding frenzy for some reason that might've been boredom-related.

Unfortunately for Jeff, the inevitable finally happened. As he was shuffling his feet while slurping down his food, a grand chunk of unbroken noodle whipped about and smacked him over the face.

A grand chunk of chill-covered and steaming hot noodle.

With a laughably girly shriek of pain, Jeff dropped the cup, which in turn spilt its contents all over his foot. The only part of his body that still held some degree of sensitivity apart from... Well.. *cough.*

Jane's sixth sense had told her to bring along a hi-tech recording device for just this sort of occasion; a HD video camera that she produced out of nowhere was already slung over her shoulder and rolling.

While eating an apple, which had simply fallen from the sky because why the hell not?

BEN cackled hysterically and fell off his seat, landing facefirst into the mess of spilt noodles with an odd little squelch.

Despairingly clawing at his face, Jeff stumbled back even more and shrieked about his eyes.

Then he slipped on the squishy puddle and went skidding forwards, proceeding to barrel headfirst out of an open window. 

His schoolgirlish screaming slowly drifted out of their hearing range. Jane panned her camera's view around to capture the full extent of BEN trying to get up - failing and slipping back into the noodles.

______________________
A/N: I would love to say something intelligent, but my battery is running frightfully low and the clock is ticking away.

Thank you all so much for letting this book reach over six hundred views!
What do you think of the new cover? How was this funny chapter?
Ooops- I really have to charge this 3% thing!

Toodle-Doo!
Final Word Count: 1077.