Playing Crazy (A Demi Lovato Love Story) EDITING

Chapter 19 - Dead (Demi's Pov)

"I'm dead?" Nick asked as we walked together hand in hand towards the park.

I knew I didn't have the answer to that and I knew it hurts him badly and all I could do was wrap my arms around him and comfort him in silence.

"You're not dead to me" I said

"To the rest of the world, I am" Nick said, "I didn't know they went that far" 

I sighed and he led me to sit down at one of the park benches.

"We're going to be okay Nick, We're going to get through this" I said, but even then, those words seem lifeless and meaningless to me. I keep repeating them but they've lost their touch and their comfort, I hope it hasn't yet for Nick because whatever we're heading for, he's gonna need those words.

"I need to get home" NIck said

He looked at me as if waiting for me to say I'm going with him.

"I can't today, I have loads of homework to do" I said

Nick understood. He took my hand and hugged me. "I'm going to miss you" He said.

It was a little bit cheesy but I smiled.

"Goodbye" I said.

Thoughts were raining on my mind as I walk home. Different thoughts, bad thoughts, good thoughts but they were all just thoughts. Thoughts and no memories. 

How can I not remember anything? Amnesia. The words hit me a second time. I think I do have amnesia, what possible logical explanation can I get for not remembering anything? 

How much more have I forgotten? 

I needed to find out, or else, I'll find myself crazy, looking for the answer.  Mrs. Blancher had shed a little bit of light concerning what happened but it wasn't enough, I need to hear the answer straight from someone who knows the truth.

Mrs. Jonas was in the house when I went there the next day.

Joe wasn't home. I told Kane that she needed to help me distract Joe by holding an emergency meeting concerning whatever it is that matters. Joe was bound to attend while I sneak into their house.

Nick was off to one of his doctor visits and Frankie was at a friend's house.

Mrs. Jonas was briefly home to pack up some things for an upcoming trip. I have her all to myself.

"Good afternoon" I said politely as Mrs. Jonas opened the door.

"Demi? but nobody's home today" She said

She looks kind of sad.

"I'm not looking for them" I said

There, that recognition in her eyes, the fear and the sadness and pain. She knew exactly what I was looking for.

"Come in then" She said

I was ushered into the living room and I was made to sit. 

"What do you want to know?" She asked

"Everything"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Mrs. Jonas said. She was a good actress, as good as Joe, but her eyes were lying. She knows everything.

I gave her the photograph. 

"I need to know what happened? I need to know how I fit in and why nobody is telling me anything"

"It is none of your business, Devonne"

My name. Devonne. Nobody calls me that anymore.

"You know me" I whispered

"Everybody knows you Demi, its a pretty small town"

"Nobody calls me Devonne"

Alarm shoot in her eyes. She didn't meant to say my name, she made a mistake.

"Who am I?" I demanded

She turned her eyes away.

"Who am I?  Why can't I remember anything? Did I do something horrible? Why!?  Why aren't you answering me! Why are people telling that Nick is dead? Nick is not dead! He's alive and he's well, but all of you! you're keeping us both prisoners, Nick is a prisoner of his sickness and I am a prisoner of my memory, I am begging you I need to know"

The moment I mentioned Nick, something within her snapped because as soon as I said Nick's name, she frantically turned to hide the rush of tears fighting its way out.

"IT's all because of you" She whispered as she took the photograph from me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked

"IT was because of you that Nick got into an accident. You with Joe and him were playing and Joe told me that it was all your fault, you were the reason behind Nick's accident." She said, straining to keep her voice low, and choking on her tears.

I couldn't understand. I did it? I was the one to blame for Nick's accident? I couldn't take it. I couldn't understand it. I tried to stand up but my strength was starting to fail me. I need to get out before it officially leaves me. I need to get to the door. 

That's when I turned my eyes and saw Nick standing by the door. By the look in his eyes, I knew he heard everything. I couldn't face him, I couldn't bear him to look at me. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know" I said as words failed me and tears escaped me. Cry in front of Nick? It looks so miserable and so pathetic when he was the one who was hurt, the real victim of everything. My victim. 

Nick's eyes were locked in mine as I stumbled to collapse again, he held me up, wanting to wrap me in his arms but  I couldn't. I couldn't let him do that, the guilt within me was too much

I pushed him away and I ran out the door, out their garden and out their gates.