Behind Closed Doors (A Harry Styles FanFiction)

Chapter 28

*Song for this chapter is Little Secrets by Passion Pit. ENJOY XX*

NIALL’S POV

What the hell have I done?

I kissed Jesse!

I kissed someone I don’t even have feelings for anymore. Someone who’s in love with my best mate. Someone who I’ve moved on from. Everything was going great until I ruined it because of a stupid impulse move. I don’t even know what I was thinking, I was just feeling sad and lonely for having to leave my family and my mind was in a million different places, Jesse was right in front of me and I guess I just felt like kissing her. Dumb decision.

Jesus, I’m such a twat. How could I have done something so incredibly stupid! I know that Jesse is Harry’s, I’ve kind of always knew that since we all became mates and before I even dated her, but now she probably thinks I still have feelings for her, that I still haven’t forgiven them for what they’ve done. Which honestly, I don’t think my trust for them will ever be the same, but I still love them like they were family. And now I’ve gone and soiled everything.

The worst part? Louis saw everything. And that fucker doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut ever. He just sat there with his mouth open, staring at the two of us with wide eyes. I recall Jesse’s face being the exact same when I pulled away, almost pushing her to the ground when I realized what I was doing. I tried to get words to come out of my mouth, to try to explain why I had done what I did, but all that came out were different words jumbled together.

“No…don’t think…I didn’t…it’s not what you…let me explain…”

I struggled to clarify that I didn’t mean anything by the kiss, but she was still completely shocked, turning to Louis for support. Luckily, he seemed to understand what I was trying to say, because he walked over to me and stopped Jesse from leaving.

“What are you doing, mate?” he whispered in my ear so Jesse wouldn’t hear. I turned towards him and shook my head. “I didn’t mean to, that’s what I’m trying to tell her! It was a mistake…” I put my head in my hands, feeling as if I ruined everything. Harry and I’s friendship mostly.

Jesse approached us reluctantly, avoiding my gaze and looking at Louis. “Please, just let me go back inside-“

“I didn’t mean to do that, Jesse! Please don’t hate me, my mind’s just going everywhere and…I’m just confused…” I ran a hand frustratingly through my hair; Jesse raised her eyebrow at me.

“Confused about how you feel about me?”

I shook my head, denying what she said with wide eyes. “No, no, no! I know that you and Harry are together, and I don’t have feelings for you. Please don’t tell Harry about this…he cares about you way too much and he should be focusing on his career, not drama.”

Louis nodded his head at Jesse, agreeing with my explanation. “Yeah, why don’t we all just keep this on the down-low, okay?” Jesse nodded her head apprehensively, biting her lip and crossing her arms. “Okay. Let’s just forget about it. It never happened. And Louis, keep your lips sealed.” She waved an authoritative finger in his face.

“Agreed.” Lou and I said in unison, nodding our heads eagerly. After a few seconds Jesse and Louis went up to the house to round up the rest of the lads since we were leaving in a few minutes.

Great. Another secret to keep from everyone.

I thought, blowing puffs of air out of my mouth and rethinking all the shit we’ve been through this past year. To think that we went from not knowing about Jesse’s dad, to not knowing about Jesse and Harry’s secret relationship is crazy to think about. We’ve definitely been through a lot.

At least Harry and I are even. Well sort of, it’s not like I shagged her. I definitely won’t be doing that anytime soon.

***

JESSE’S POV

ONE WEEK LATER

I knew this would happen sooner or later, it was bound to happen.  I just didn’t want it to be now. At the time I didn’t even have Harry around to comfort me, or protect me, or tell me everything would be okay, I didn’t have any of the boys around, I didn’t have my brothers. Although, I did have Eleanor and Julia to keep me company. Julia and Zayn had made it official a day before Zayn left, but Louis and Eleanor have yet to be labeled as a couple, even though we all know it will happen. I was really glad to have them around, since we all were dealing with being away from our favorite boys I didn’t have to be alone.

I told both of them that my mother died, but I didn’t tell them everything about my dad and him going to jail, even though they questioned why I was staying with Harry if my dad was still around. I planned on telling them once I knew them better and could fully trust them, but it turns out I was going to have to explain it a little earlier than I wanted.

All because a note arrived in the mail.

A note from my father.

When I saw my name scribbled across the envelope, my stomach dropped and my face went pale. It was the same handwriting that would sign permission slips for field trips, help me with my homework, write riddles for me to solve…I’d know that handwriting from anywhere. I used to love the way he wrote, how his pen glided across the paper and dotted his i’s. But now, it makes me feel like I’m going to vomit, a sick feeling creeping up into my throat.

I couldn’t form coherent words as the tears streamed down my pale cheeks unannounced, sinking down to the ground and staring at the words on the paper. Quiet tears turned into violent sobs, and my whole body was shaking as I screamed out vicious cries of help. I felt hopeless, as if someone stabbed me in the heart. Flashes of that petrifying night scrolled through my mind, the feeling of fists against my crumpled body becoming more and more vivid, putting me in both physical and mental pain.

My desperate wails muffled the sound of Eleanor and Julia hastily entering the room, arms wrapping around my broken body and asking questions with worry in their voice. My hair was being pulled away from my wet, clammy face as my eyes met Eleanor’s sweet brown ones.

“Jesse, what’s the matter? Please, please, tell me.” Her desperate voice was only heard in bits and my mind was becoming hazy, feeling confused and alone. I heard Eleanor shout something to Julia as she wrapped her arms tighter around my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down; all I heard from it was Harry’s name through my foggy mind. The thought of him made the tears come down harder. I wanted him here right now, I needed him with me. I wish he was the one holding me in his arms instead of Eleanor.

I heard more shouting and felt myself being lifted, my mind fading in and out before finally being clicked into blackness. Falling into a deep, endless, hole of hopeless memories I’ve been trying to forget.

***

This chapter was kind of rushed but I wanted to finish it, sorry about how short it is though, if I kept writing then it would be like ten pages and nobody wants to read a ten-page long chapter. Let’s be real.

MINI RANT. Am I the only one whose sleep schedule is getting completely fucked up? I can’t go to bed until like 4, like my body won’t go the fuck to sleep, and then I wake up at like 12. I don’t like waking up that late because then I just feel like my whole day is shortened, which it is.

I would go into the rumors about Larry and Elounor (I ship Elounor) but I seriously don’t want to get into that. Until Harry and Louis confirm or deny that they’re dating, I’m just gonna ignore every bitchy comment about it. I JUST WANT PEACE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Ugh anyway.

Peace.Love.Nutella.

Don’t forget to vote/fan/comment/control your sleep schedule…or not

-Alexis

There are polar bears on my shorts omg I love polar bears