Give Me Some Of That Bass // phan

Disasterology

"If you come over tonight we can travel through time,
we can sleep on the ceiling and creep under black lights"

***

"Dan Howell is such a lesbian."

Phil looked up from his French textbook at the sound of his boyfriend's name, watching Chris sit down across from him at their lunch table. It was rare when he sat with them at all, let alone fuming about people being lesbians. "Why's that?" He asked curiously.

"Just cause, don't argue with me."

"You know, as much as I'd love to not argue with you," Phil said with a smirk, "I don't think that's a very valid reason for someone being a lesbian."

"We're talking about lesbians?" Elliot said from behind him in much too excited a tone. He sat next to him, and Phil realized that Audrey was with him too, their fingers interlocked. Grayson was suspiciously absent from the group. "The sexy kind?"

"Don't be an asshole, lesbians are people too," Phil said, turning the page of his textbook uselessly; he was supposed to be studying, but his friends were being their usual distracting selves, and he was getting nowhere.

"He got higher marks on a test than me," Chris said, continuing their earlier conversation as if they hadn't been interrupted. "I mean, I know he's smart and all that, but Chemistry is my subject, I established my dominance a long time ago."

"Well, don't take it too seriously," Elliot said sarcastically, which made Audrey laugh, a bit too theatrically to be genuine.

"I'm having a real shit day," Chris sighed, burying his head in his hands. "I broke my enhancer this morning, you know how much it's gonna cost to get a new one?"

"How?" Phil asked. He knew Chris was pretty clumsy, but he was someone who took good care to make sure the things he liked stayed intact.

"Dropped a bowling ball on it."

"Where the fuck did you even get a bowling ball?"

"Does that matter?" Chris said. "I dropped it, and now I'm gonna have to get a new enhancer."

"You do know you don't have to spend almost two hundred dollars for one," Phil said gently. "There are some pretty cheap ones out there."

"Yeah, on fucking ebay, that were probably used to kill people or something. Either way, they suck."

"You're so picky."

He gave up the pretense of studying, closing the book and laying his head on top of it. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night, between getting home late after their 'meeting', which had ended at 11 o'clock, and staying up half the night stuck in his own head.  Thoughts of Dan, and Grayson and Elliot, and his future all collided into one colossal mess of Fuck My Life, and it was surprisingly hard to escape from it. He was probably going to end up asleep next period.

He was just starting to drift off, despite the noisy chatter of the cafeteria, when his phone buzzed in his pocket, making him jump slightly. He pulled it out with a sigh.

lover:
algebra can suck a dick. meet me in the bathrooms??

Well, he couldn't say no to that eloquent request.

Chris was still sulking into his tray, Elliot and Audrey were engrossed in their own conversation that involved way too much giggling and touching, and Grayson was still missing, so Phil figured he wouldn't be entirely missed for the next ten minutes.