Give Me Some Of That Bass // phan

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes

"Imperfect boys with their perfect lives,
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy"

***

So maybe he could distract himself.

As fucking cold hearted and manipulative as it was, this was his solution; using one of his best friends as some -- some degrading toy that only stopped the tear in his heart for a little while. Did that make him an asshole? Definitely. Was that enough to make him stop doing it? Not a chance.

And it's not like Grayson minded it. Fuck, half the time, he was the one initiating it, and maybe that was because he was a messed up cesspool of depravity and emotional damage, but it still counted.

They were using each other, a mutual agreement of fucking up everything.

It was such a surreal experience sometimes; Phil had never thought of Gray as someone he'd be attracted to in any way, they'd been friends for so long, it had seemed sort of sickening. But this, God, this was a whole new level of desperate, because they would be talking, mediocre conversations that served no other purpose than to pass the time, and then he'd glance over, and Gray would give him this look, like -- he didn't fucking know, but it was enough to lower his already shattered inhibitions.

So what was he supposed to do? Mourn and grovel like a little kid because he couldn't have what he really wanted? What the fuck was that going to do, for anyone? Goddamn nothing.

No, this...this was easier.

It was easier to drown the screaming protests in his head with hollow touches and meaningless kisses, easier to tell himself that this was satisfactory. Dealing with the whole mess, talking about it, that was so off limits, effort he didn't have the energy to muster up.

A distraction. Just what he needs.

***

Holden Napier was an overachieving know-it-all, with no filter from his brain to his mouth, and way too much time on his hands. He was not the kind of guy that Phil would include on his list of people he was even close to cordial with, let alone a 'friend'. They just ran in different circles.

So it was not his idea of fun, suddenly spending so much time with the guy.

Not by choice, of course, he wouldn't willingly hang out with someone he barely knew and didn't quite like. No, he'd been forced into this by his boring Physics teacher.

He was falling behind in the class, that was for sure, but tutoring? Who the fuck got tutored anymore? Well apparently, Phil Lester did, and unhappily so. And apparently, Holden was the best guy for the job. And apparently, him and Grayson hated each other's guts.

"What the fuck?" Were the first words out of Gray's mouth when he showed up at Phil's locker, with Holden standing beside him. The glaring match that immediately ensued between them was enough to make even Phil nervous. "Why is this here?"

"Could ask the same for you," Holden fired back. "Thought you would be more busy in some bathroom by now, on your knees for whatever guy happened to show you some interest."

Grayson launched himself at Holden, and Phil had to grab his arm to keep him from attacking. "Whoa, hey," Phil said firmly. "Can we please hold off on the homicide right now? I am not being held responsible for one of you ripping the others throat out."

They both huffed indignantly, but put their death wishes on hold, albeit reluctantly. Phil sighed; this was not going to be easy.

He was supposed to be giving Gray a ride home, and maybe that was their pathetic coverup for what was much more likely to happen, but it seemed it was out of the question now. No way where they all going to survive the ten minute drive in Phil's much too small car. So Grayson waved him goodbye, flipped Holden off, and headed towards the front doors by himself.