Give Me Some Of That Bass // phan

Used To

"Well I can't ignore the hurt
Pretending isn't worth
Knowing that you're better off without me"

***

Probably the worst part of any given Monday, no matter the situation, was the very beginning. After two glorious days of doing nothing, and then having to eventually succumb once again to the torture of the school system, well...it didn't weigh very easy on the mind.

And as shattered as Phil was at the moment, the experience was heightened in the worst way.

"So, he's an asshole," Chris said from the drivers seat of his car, simultaneously trying to comfort his friend and keep his eyes on the road so they didn't end up twisted around a tree or something. Not that Phil would object to death right now. "If he can't see what he's missing with you, then you need to forget about him. He isn't worth it."

Phil shook his head, which was pressed against the cool glass of the window. "Not that easy," he mumbled.

Chris was the only one who knew all the details of what had gone down between him and Dan on Friday. The others would be able to tell it hadn't been good just by looking at his face, but he didn't think he could handle reliving the moment again. What had he honestly been expecting, though? That Dan would forgive him, just like that, and they'd be the happy couple everyone thought they should be? That all the shitty things they'd done to each other would be forgotten, that bygones would be bygones.

Well, Dan had already moved on, and Phil was still stuck in the past.

Chris patted his shoulder, and he was trying to be supportive, Phil knew that. He just wasn't in the mood for all of their pitying looks and sympathetic words. He could be at home right now, curled under his warm blankets until mid-afternoon without being bothered by people who didn't get it.

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't beat yourself up over some guy who won't matter in a few years," Chris continued. He spoke slowly, cautious of anything that would make Phil feel worse than he already did. "Speaking from personal experience, thinking about people who treat you like shit is not a good idea. Just live your life."

"Yeah, cause that got you so far, huh?" He needed to stop taking his frustration out on them. He would end up with nobody.

"God, you're an asshole when you're sad." Chris smiled ruefully, and Phil curled in on himself a little bit more.

"I'm sor--"

"Please, don't, do you know how many times I've heard you say 'sorry' in the last month alone?" Chris sighed. "Look, I'm not trying to fix you, or say that it doesn't matter. It does matter, but you don't need to let it define you. It's not your fault, and if there's nothing you can do to change it, then leave it alone. You're a good person. I just want you to remember that."

Phil dragged his hands across his face and sighed. "Okay. Can we just talk about something else, please?"

Chris gave him another look, one that told him this conversations was definitely not over yet, but he conceded. "Fine. I wanted to talk to you about Ellie."

It still seemed like some sort of surreal dream, the idea that Elliot would be leaving them after all this time. They joked about it a lot, but all of them felt the underlying tension that ran through their spines at the very mention of it. They wouldn't be the same. None of it would be the same, and there was nothing they could do about it.

"We're gonna have to replace him." Chris spoke the words as if they were acid on his tongue. "After FTC...well, we can't exactly be a band without a drummer. Not a good one, anyway."