Let Me In

18. Only one solution

Chapter eighteen. Only one solution

"Jace dinner's ready!" I called my son from the kitchen.

After I went to the park I decided to go to the shops and go shopping for food. I didn't care if I ran out of money, I didn't care what others thought of me and I was done dwelling on the fact that I was raped for the rest of my life.

Everyone was judging me so I guess that I started judging myself. Yeah, I was stupid when I was fifteen, yeah I went through hours of torture and yes I was still fifteen when I went into painful labour, but at the end of the day, it wasn't anybody else's concern. It was my life . . . mine and my son's.

"Mummy, what we eating?" Jace asked as he hauled himself up on a chair.

"Sausages and mash potato, is that okay honey?" I asked as I set his food in front of him. He looked down at his food and just stared at it with no emotion. I sighed again, as I sat down with my food.

"Mummy I'm going to go pway," Jace said climbing down from his chair.

"Jace come back here!" I called after him.

"No mummy me not hungry," he yelled.

Oh for crying out loud.

"Fine then! Jace mummy's going to take Elmo away if you don't come back!"

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will, just watch me!" I yelled again as I got up from my seat and went to go and find where Jace had put his Elmo doll. I walked into the living room and saw Jace huddled in the corner clutching the doll for dear life. I mentally slapped myself for making him go into a state like this.

"Jason, I'm sorry. Please come and eat-"

"Mummy, who was that man?" He asked innocently.

"Jace-"

"Was that daddy?" How did Jace know about fathers and dads? And since when did Jace know how to talk like a five year old? I guess him going up nursery was doing him a great favour!

"Jace how do you know what a daddy is?" I asked him curiously.

"Bella at school. Her daddy picks her up," he said sadly.

Oh god!

"Oh I see. Jace dad... Err... Jace just come and eat dinner."

What was I supposed say to an innocent child like himself? I couldn't tell him that he had no daddy; he would ask so many questions. I really didn't recognise this two year old child of mine. It was like my son had been taken away from me and replaced with another little boy with an extreme vocabulary. I walked away from Jace and back into the kitchen.

Shortly afterwards, Jace joined me and we are together in complete silence. I guess there wasn't really anything to say but just think of how bad of a mother I was. Despite everything I had been through it was never enough empathy for what happened.

"Mash, mash, mash, mash, MASH!" What the hell? I turned my head down to see Jace playing with his food especially his mashed potato. I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"Jace! Eat!" I said through gritted teeth. I was seriously losing my patience with him not eating!

"Mash! Mash!" He yelled standing on his chair.

"Jace sit down!" I said sternly.

"No mummy!" Why was he acting and playing up for? What was making him like this?