Let Me In

31. Breathe slow

 Chapter thirty one. Breathe Slow

 

Dear Ms Smith,

I am writing to inform you that, your custody and parental rights of Jason Smith will be taken from you, this is due to the number of complaints that I have received concerning your care of the child. We have every single right to take Jason away…

…

You will be expected in court in one month’s time, if you feel that this is biased and absurd, you can plead for the jury to hear your side. It is vital that you attend the court case in July. If you do not attend, it is more than likely that your child will be put into the Adoption process, and your official rights for him will be taken away.

Thank you

Your sincerely

Mr James Fisher

Child protection

I couldn't bear to read what I was accused of; it was just a load of bull, a load of complete and utter shit that wasn't even right. They didn't know the true facts about my life, and what made it worse was that I had to go to court, again! Now that was completely messed up, there was no way I was setting foot inGreendale Majesty court for the second time. I had done a week’s worth of being in court and now I had to go again? How was that even fair? Nothing was fair, life was hard and it had taken me so long to truly understand that and all because of my father this would have never happened at all, Jace wouldn’t even be born, my father would be living at home, my mother wouldn’t even be in hospital and I would never have met Blake… well my father had helped me with one thing, he had helped me get Blake, well he hadn’t helped exactly but I was with Blake in a good relationship, but now I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to be with Blake. A part of my heart had been ripped from me, and it was a big part of my heart.

Jace was my world, the only thing that was keeping me sane and alive, the only thing that reminded me of all the things that I had done bad in my life, the reminder of what happened the every evening and as long as I saw him every day he would always be a piece of my father smiling at me. And that was something I really hated. I hated seeing my father in my son; it was just not right, pure and utter incest that should never have been invented.

Jace was not only my world but who I was today, he made me. He made me think twice about my life and bringing him so far, was the best thing ever and not only for Jace but also for me. He was perfect and he had made me prove to myself that I was capable of looking after a human being all by myself. Everything I was today was all because of Jace and I owed him every single bit of my life, he was a smart kid, who just happened to have a messed up mummy.

I wasn’t going to think about my past over and over again, it wasn’t like it was going to do me any good at all. But yet all I could do was huddle in my son’s room on his bed. And just let my tears fall freely, just twelve hours I had been awake for, with no sleep.

And just twelve hours ago, was when Jace was taken from me.

My eyes were obviously red, swollen and bloodshot from the amount of tears that I had shed and also from the amount of blinking I had done. For the first hour after he had left, I was forever pinching myself and blinking to see if this was all real and no matter how hard I squeezed my skin, I just wouldn’t snap back into reality but thankfully life had hit me. No matter how many times I closed and shut my eyes, it would still be life right now the only reality that was really happening and this wasn’t a dream far from it, it was a nightmare.