Let Me In

19. We need to talk

Chapter nineteen. We need to talk.

A whole week had passed. And for a whole week I didn't go to school at all. I stayed at home with Jace feeling guilty for making that call but it had to be done. Jace needed a better life and a life without me. He needed proper parents not some broken teenager. I still loved him and I would never stop loving him. He was my Elmo crazy baby and nothing could change that. I just wouldn't be in his life at all. But I wouldn't forget about him not one bit. Taking Jace to nursery was really hard for me today, it felt like I was letting him go forever but I knew he'd only be there for a couple of hours then I'd be able to get him back.

I didn't particularly want to go back to school today but I didn't want to miss too many lessons and let me attendance drop. It was already low with the amount of times I had to leave to go and get Jace. That was the disadvantage of leaving school early every day.

I didn't care what I looked like today, I didn't care if my hair was straight or my mascara was smudge or I put on my foundation like a clown. I didn't care whatsoever. I pulled on the items of clothing that were close to me and that happened to be a white tank top, denim jacket and skinny jeans. My hair was messed up, it was pretty obvious I looked like a tramp by the way that I had dressed. My face probably didn't hide he huge bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep that I had, of constant thinking and worrying. Nothing could hide the fact that I wasn't coping.

I guess I wouldn't be doing that for long. After talking to the woman about giving Jace up she offered me loads of support to try and get things back on track but I immediately declined saying that I didn't need support, I just needed information for everything to go smoothly.

I kept my head down as I carried on writing. I had gotten the form and details for adoption well giving up and I was currently filling in out in form time.

Reason for giving up child:

What was my reason? Was it because I couldn't cope? Was it because Jace needed loving parents and not some damaged teenager? Well it was all those reasons combined.

"Elle! Where the fuck have you been!" A voice shrieked. I didn't take my eyes of the page as I kept writing.

"Ellie? Please answer me!" The voice carried on.

I had no problem with ignoring my best friend, since I had done for a whole week. I ignored Becca’s calls and I ignored Drew’s as well. I had no desire to speak to anyone. I didn't need anyone at all. I was perfectly fine by myself. No one could help me, not even Becca. She wouldn't understand the reason why I was putting Jace up for adoption.

"Elle please talk to us!" This time that was Drew's voice. I looked up at them and Becca was nearly in tears well as for Drew he looked pissed off. 

"Elle-"

"Why the fuck have you not picked up our calls or returned them at least!" Drew yelled. Making all the people in our class turn to look at us even our form tutor. 

"Please Elle tell us," Becca pleaded.

The shrill bell signalling for us to get to our first class. I got from my seat collecting all my papers and precious documents and I put them in my binder. 

"I don't need to tell you anything," I snapped, instantly feeling guilty when I saw Becca's face. I didn't mean to hurt her but me just... I didn't know what was wrong with me. I shoved past them and made my way to my first lesson.

***

For most of my physics class I didn't do work, I sat far away from Becca because I didn't want to talk to anyone even if some of those people were my close friends. I was only in school for one reason and one reason only, to change my own life and better grades. I just couldn't do that with Jace.

I gathered my things up when the bell went and rushed out if the class, hearing someone briefly calling my name silently but I didn't turn back. I hurried along to my next lesson keeping my head down and avoiding questioning gazes.

"Oh look, if it isn't tramp girl." I stopped in mid track and lifted my head to see... Lissa. I tightened my knuckles and glared at her. 

"Oh if it isn't miss whore bag," I sneered. 

"Go and join the circus or better go and join the homeless committee-"

"Shut your mouth and don't ever talk to me again. You've got nothing else to do with your life so that's the fucking reason why you insult me. But don't forget I am always going to be better than you," I said confidence growing in me. I gave her my dirtiest look and walked away. 

"This isn't over Smith! Watch your back!" 

I began to shake in fury. Watch my back? Well she should watch your damn fake head! I sighed and carried on walking to my history class. Every step that I took there made me feel like I was leaving something behind. Every move that I now made, kept reminding me of how rude I was to my best friends. And every breath I took only seemed to remind me that my father could have abused me to the fullest moments that could resort to death.

I took my seat in class and I leant my head against the desk. When would my life be okay again, right now it was far from okay. My life was slowly crumbling away.

***

I had endured another hour of another boring lesson. For the whole hour I just kept thinking about my past and if things would be different if I never lied to my father so many times. I tried to imagine my life without all the things that had happen if my life didn't have Jace in it, would things be better. If I was just raped and no baby was born, would that be better? Well I'd still be homeless but without a baby. I'd still be rejected by my mother just she wouldn't say that I had gotten pregnant by some low life. And my father wouldn't become another father and also a grandfather. It had never hit me till now that incest had happened to me.

I walked out of the classroom and into the corridor. It was now break time and usually I would be with Becca and Drew but today I haut felt like being alone. I walked silently with no emotion. My shadow was the only one that walked beside me but for now I just seemed to walk alone. I passed classroom after classroom after classroom. Nothing could change the fact that I felt so alone.

Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into darkness. I didn't know where I was but I could feel the breathing of the person who grabbed me. 

"We need to talk," said the voice with a frenzy of emotions.

**

Hope you liked the chapter. It's unedited and I haven't proofed read it but its one am and I'm tired, I wanted to give you guys something ;)

-Dhana xx