Let Me In

36. Feel the coldness

Chapter thirty six. Feel the coldness

I smoothed down the small creases on my grey pencil skirt. It just reached a little above my knee and it didn't make me slutty at all, I also had on black tights so I wasn't showing any skin. I had to look professional and not like some immature low life teenager, I had to be a sophisticated young lady who was worthy of having her son back. To complete my outfit I had on a simple white blouse with a black cardigan. My makeup was my everyday make up but I added more eye shadow to boost my confidence and as for my hair, it was dead straight and not a wisp of hair was out of place. I looked pretty good but that wasn't the point, I wasn't at some fashion cat walk I was in a court house and there was only ten minutes until the case started and I was seriously freaking out, like there was no tomorrow.

Blake held my hand as my knee started bouncing up and down, something I usually did whenever I was nervous or annoyed. I couldn't contain the nerves that were taking over my whole body, I wasn't ready for what was to come, it was way too soon and I was definitely not prepared at all. My leg bounced up and down, it wasn't in a rhythm or anything but you could tell that I was really scared and my nerves would just not go away. I needed all the luck in the world but the sad thing was that I couldn't feel any luck radiating off me.

Luck was something that never seemed to strike me, I never quiet seemed to catch a break and I was just so confused on how my life took that huge flip in the air. My decisions that had made a huge impact on my life and whatever path I chose it always seemed to be the wrong one and I just couldn't take it anymore, I was tired. Extremely tired of dreaming and wishing that my life could be perfect, so tired of think of the ifs and buts and shattered from hoping for good things to come to me. Good luck was something that I desperately needed to get through today and I just couldn't bear to think of my life without Jace forever. I couldn't be without him, just this last mouth had been a lot and I didn't want to be apart and away from his life forever, he needed me just as I needed him... so how on Earth was I supposed to convince people that? It was impossible and everything would only end up in tears and would probably even cause me to fall into depression and that would just be horrifically ugly, but hey, I guess all good things come to an end, at some time in life.

"You look beautiful," Blake said, I averted my eyes at him and sighed, my eyes brimming with tears.

"Thank you," I told him sincerely.

"You know, I'm here for you and whatever happens, you did your best babe," he said hugging me tight. I sniffed and let a few tears escape. I couldn't help if my emotions got the better of me, I would just have to try and get through them with as much determination as possible.

"I know, and I'm happy I've got you," I murmured, into Blake's chest. His heartbeat... it was something that soothed me without much effort at all, each beat just made my heard flutter and set the butterflies in me alive.

I hadn't eaten anything to do, I just had no strength to chew but I did drink half a cup of coffee to wake myself up, I just couldn't even think of the thought of eating, especially if I did eat something it would just come back up, because of my nerves. Blake had gotten angry at me for not eating; he even tried to feed me, a double chocolate muffin, himself. I didn't need babying and certainly could feed myself. I knew he was only trying to help but in a way he was really irritating.

Blake had come to pick me up this morning, I was dressed and ready hours before he even got to my place and yesterday after I had spent the day with him, I went home late, the time was possibly just gone past ten at night when I left but I wanted to spend as much time with Blake, as I could.