Can You Hear Me?

Chapter Three:

                  

Blood spills out of my arm, I quickly grab a tissue and try to stop the bleeding but it isn't really working. Suddenly there is a pounding on my bed room door. I jump at the sudden noise but I don't bother to get up and let them in, I don't want to see any one.  The door slowly squeaks open. "Ash?" Ethan walks in slowly I had forgotten all about our facetime call.  He looks from me to my bleeding arm to the blade in my hand; his eyes grow wide as they fall upon my face. I can't look at him so I just look at the floor. "Oh Ash" He says in a calm gently voice, he walks over to my bed and pulls me into his chest.  Ethan wraps his one arm around my torso and the other around my waist to pull me any closer to his body. I can't hold back the tears, with my arms tucked in between us I sob in to his chest. "Shh its okay." "No! No its not! He's gone! He's gone, he's gone, he's gone." "Who's gone Ash" Ethan ask in a soothing tone. "My best friend, my brother, Derek he's dead" I say in a with a shaking voice. After several minutes I start to calm down and we separate. I look at his shirt and see the blood all over it, "Sorry" I say as I wipe my tears. He grabs some gauze and wraps my arm. "It's okay Ash. It's just a shirt. Right now you are my only concern" He says with concern in his voice. I couldn't muster up any words so we just sat in silence. "I'm sorry you are seeing me this way Ethan." "Hey don't worry about it. But Ash you really should stop doing this....this cutting. You're only hurting yourself and I...I can't let that happen. I care about you too much to let that happen."  I look up at him and give him a confused look.  He looks down at the ground and in almost a whisper tone he says "I like you Ash like more than a friend." He gives a shy smile but doesn't look me in the eye. "I like you too Ethan...more than a friend." He looks up at me with a kind gentle look in his eyes.  He pulls me into another hug and he rests his head on mine. My breathing finally starts to slow and go back to normal; his arms tighten around my small frame. I continue to shake and the more I do the tighter he hugs me. Our faces are only centimeters apart when we spate. Slowly Ethan leans in and he kisses me. His lips are soft and smooth, they are warm to the touch and I just can't seem to get enough. His hands cup both sides of my face as mine finds his waist.  We split apart and he grabs my trembling hands, "Ha you need to stop shaking" He chuckles. I give a weak smile and look over at my clock. 1:15 in the morning I'm defiantly not going to sleep well tonight and I'm most likely not going to school tomorrow so that's one thing I don't have to worry about. We sit in silence for a while and all I can hear is my mother's sobs coming from her room and bottles breaking. My body language must have changed because Ethan speaks up. "That's it I'm not leaving. I'm staying the night." "Ethan you don't need to do that really its fine." "Yes I do look I don't want you to have to deal with this alone, especially with your mother the way she is. I can see the fear in your eyes Ash now I'm staying no ifs ands or buts about it okay" He says gently grabbing my chin making me look him in the eye. "Okay" I say softly, I get changed into my pajamas which are just short shorts and a tank top and Ethan just takes off his shirt reveling his perfect abs. I climb in bed and lay on my side and stared at my wall that is till I felt strong arms snake around my waist. Ethan gently pulls me into him as I turn to face him. I bury my face in his chest and listen to his heart beat. "Ash will you be my girlfriend" I hear Ethan whisper in my ear. "Yes I will" I say, he gently kisses my forehead and pulls me even closer so there is no space between us. I listen to his heartbeat and feel his breathing, it's soothing and eventually I drift off to sleep.

"It's your fault he's gone it's all your fault, how could you be so selfish. And now your brother is dead. God why do you have to be the way you are. You will never be good enough" My mother yells. "You are nothing." Suddenly I feel a someone shaking me and a muffled voice "Ash, Ash wake up. Wake up Ash! Wake up!" My eyes shoot open and I notice I'm gasping for air. I sit up in bed and hold my head in my hands. My face is all wet I must have started crying and just didn't notice. Ethan wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. I cry into his chest as he strokes my long brown hair and try's to sooth me. "It's was just a nightmare baby everything is okay." "It's my fault Ethan it's all my fault." "What is Ash?" "Everything. My father's death, my brothers, and my mom's abusive ways....It's all because of me" I say while crying into his chest. "My dad died because he was out getting me a birthday gift when the store he was in got robbed and they shot him!" "Ash sweetie that's not your fault" Ethan says calmly. "If I hadn't wanted that damn phone then he would still be here and my mom wouldn't be alone." For the next hour he holds me as I cry, he slowly rocks back and forth trying to help calm me. Thankfully it starts to work and I start to drift to sleep again.

I wake the next morning to dead silence, there is not a sound. I look over and notice Ethan is still sleeping so I quietly climb out of bed and walk down stairs. Mom is now where to be seen she must have left to go god nowhere, most likely to the bar. I walk back upstairs to my room to see Ethan sleeping soundly. He looks so peaceful I don't want to wake him so I just turn and start to walk back down stairs till I hear his voice. "Where do you think you are going" he says as he sits up and stretches. "I didn't want to wake you so I was just going to go back down stairs." "Nonsense you can wake me up whenever you want." I smile gratefully at him and ask "Want some breakfast? I can make you something if you would like." "Sure why not" he says as he gets out of bed and follows me down stair. Once in the kitchen I grab the eggs, milk, bread, jam and cheese, I start to make scrambled eggs and toast with jam. I sprinkle cheese on the hot eggs and hand the plate of food to Ethan then put the pan and other items away.  He munches away while I stand across from him. "How come you're not eating anything?" "I don't really eat that much anymore." "Why Ash why do you do this to yourself." I don't answer him and just look at the floor. He gets up and grabs then sits back down and places me on his lap. "Here take a bite." "No Ethan really im fine don't worry" I say "I'm not taking no for an answer you need to eat something. Please Ash" he pleads. "No" "That's it" he says and he starts to tickle me. I start to laugh so hard and slowly sink to the floor. "No Ethan please stops" I say as I laugh, "I will only stop if you agree to eat something." "Okay, Okay you win, you win" I say I die of laughter, he helps me up and I grab a fork. He pulls me back on to his lap and we start to eat together, "so any plans for today" Ethan asks. I pause for a minute and just think "How about we go for a drive" I say. "Um okay we can do that want to take my car?" "No I have a car we can take" I say with a smirk. We finish eating and run upstairs to get changed. I brush my teeth and hairs then I get changed into my ripped skinny jeans, a black tank top, and my combat boots. I grab my flannel and walk into my brother's room and grab his dog tags and keys off of his dresser. He and I had a deal that if anything ever happened to him I could take his car and dog tags plus whatever else I wanted. I took a look around the room and walked out before I started to cry. Once down stairs I tossed Ethan his shirt and we headed out the door. There it was the most beautiful car I have ever seen. The black paint glistened as it reflected the morning sky. "This is your car?!" "Yeah it was originally my brothers but its mine now."  I unlock the car and get in; the driver's side still smells of him. I bite my lip so it doesn't tremble and start the car. It roars to life and its music to my ears. I back out of the driveway and we are off, it feels good to drive again. I roll down the windows and let the blow through my hair, I start to forget the world around me and feel my problems roll away like fog.