wonderland 「 jungkook 」

[five] i have to go

웃어보지만 그아무도 날 알아주질 않네.
i smile, but no one even cares about me.

it was lunch time and, like every other day, jungkook sat alone in the boys' restroom because he had no one to sit with and jake and his group of bullies had the same lunch, so he avoided being out in the open at all costs. also, he had no money to buy anything from the school cafeteria, and seeing all the kids around him with plates piled high with calories that they'd only consume half of and throw away the rest would only make him realize just how famished he really was.

he sat on the cold tile floor timidly, muting the sounds of even his breaths, as you never knew who might come through that bathroom door.

the boy sighed almost inaudibly, raking his long, bony digits through his scraggly, jet black hair before pulling his backpack closer to his side and slowly unzipping the zipper. he dug through the bag for a moment before he pulled out his prized possession: his sketchbook.

he flipped past the many drawings, and for the first time, he realized how dark and dismal they all were, with no color or anything added to them. there were large city buildings, figures in all black with large umbrellas keeping their heads down as they walked around suspiciously, razors and bats and other weapons with blood splattering the pages, cigarettes and pills and marijuana swirling around black silhouettes, his apartment drawn in all of its unkempt, foreboding glory... all the way up to the drawing me made a few days ago of himself, looking completely dead, that he made just before he met alice.

he must've flipped past over half of the pages in his sketchbook, each with a drawing on both sides, until he finally reached a blank page. he stared at it for the longest time, not even breaking his gaze when he reached into his special pencil bag to pull out a pencil with dark charcoal instead of graphite.

he'd had these artistic pencils ever since he was little and still lived in busan, back when his parents still cared enough about him to notice his talent (or anything good in him) and got him them as a gift.

he usually refrained from using these if he could, as they meant a great deal to him and he never wanted to use them all up. he didn't know if he would ever be able to afford such nice art supplies again. in fact, this one was almost half used up. but he decided to use them this time.

he hadn't felt this inspired in the longest time.

as he finally brought the charcoal down to the page, suddenly images of alice popped into his mind.

her cotton candy-colored hair that was obviously dyed but looked incredibly natural on her, and only her.... what was her natural hair color, anyhow?

her bright blue eyes lined with dark, black kohl that somehow made them seem even warmer instead of the typical opposite affect.

her steadfast smile, with perfectly straight, white teeth sparkling in perfect little rows.

the way she spoke, the way she dressed, the way she studied everything with such wonder, as if she'd suddenly awoken from a long slumber to find that the entire world as she knew it had changed, filling with all sorts of novel spectacles to behold.

she was something he never even imagined. she, herself, was a novel spectacle to behold.

he sat in silence for several moments, contemplating the miraculous girl who'd gracefully wandered into his life, trying to figure her out, but coming up with nothing. and for once, he was okay with that. he didn't have to know more about alice than her name and her love for strange things to relinquish his trust to her.