wonderland 「 jungkook 」

[twenty-one] you have me

기억은 영원히 지속 그러나 생할은 하지 않습니다.
memories last forever, but lives don't.

jungkook woke up for the second time that week to the now-familiar sound of alice throwing up down the hall. rubbing his eyes, he was surprised to see that this time the sun hadn't even risen yet. with eyes drooping with lack of sleep, he arose to his feet and stepped out into the hall with the intention of holding her hair out of the way and rubbing her back, being there for her, as he knew that that was all he was able to do.

this had been a regular occurrence ever since lucile had died last month. and this was the last week of final exams before the end of the year. jungkook figured that this would explain her frequent sickness; the stress must've taken quite the toll on her body. 

he just wished there was more that he could do. any remedy, magic spell, secret enchantment... anything to appease the pain, and he would do it, for this was the definition of love in its deepest, purest, truest form. that one lover may not be happy unless the other is as well, whatever that may mean. and it was quite clear that she wasn't. she was being tortured by her body and mind incessantly. it was evident in her behavioral changes as well, which were strange and intense.

her moods would range from blissful to venomous in the time frame of an hour. he reckoned that it was due to her inability to accept her grandmother's death as well as her inability to properly prepare for exams with everything that was going on at the moment, but that didn't make it hurt any less when she would lash out on him before instantly having that glazed over look of regret flash across her features. she would refuse to eat, and would seldom leave the bed. she'd been missing a lot of school, which was so unlike her wondrously curious and clever spirit.

she had always been strong. strong for herself and her grandmother, but especially for him. he saw that, and was well aware that she was still trying her very hardest to hang on to her true self, if only for his sake, but she was slipping rapidly off a cliff that only she could climb. he could see her fading. see her mental state whither like the flowers in wonderland after the recent drought. and it was of the fear of her petals turning to a dry, brown dust as well that triggered the recurring nightmare that he'd been having nearly every night since the news at the hospital. and the panic attacks that followed.

he helped alice back to bed wordlessly, carrying her with his newfound strength. he wondered ironically if he was the reason for her current frailty, if she'd given him too much of her ardent spirit for her own good. if he'd robbed her of her knowledge unintentionally, or if she'd just forgotten it on her own.

he set her down on the warm mattress before flickering on the old lamp on the nightstand. he stared at her for a long time, their faces mere inches apart, hoping that his eyes could make her feel what he wanted to tell her, because he knew his words would never be enough. he sighed after some time, and brought the comforter up to wrap it around her willowy frame. he worked silently, tucking her in as she stared at him.

"will you tell me what they're about yet?" she croaked, throat sore.

he paused. he knew exactly what she meant. she meant the nightmares, the only evidence of which being the constant turning and looks of distress on his face in slumber.

"i dreamt that you died," he admitted, daring to look up from the white covers glowing orange into her eyes that held a nebula of unknowns.

"well, that won't happen," she smiled faintly. "we have forever together... remember?"