wonderland 「 jungkook 」

[seven] i don't mind

왜 내 마음을 흔드는 건대?
why do you keep shaking up my heart?

jungkook had never ran continuously for so long in his entire life. his body was begging him to stop, but his brain was numb and unable to comply as he continued on until sweat started dripping into his eyes as the sun slowly came up. he was wheezing with each breath his tar-filled lungs took in, but he just couldn't stop. the few people who were out so early in the morning stared at him because of his appearance: tear-stained face, scraggly hair, messy and stretched clothes, unhealthily skinny frame, blank look in his eyes...

he didn't stop on account of them, though. he only stopped when he got a sharp sting in his side as he developed an awful cramp that snapped him out of his trance. he leaned against a nearby wall, barely even keeping his body upright as he gasped for air. suddenly, his adrenaline diminished to almost nothing, and he felt every ache, every pain, every cut and bruise. but what hurt the most was the cigarette burn on his arm. he put it into his line of sight out of instinct, and he knew just by the gruesome depth, redness and blood that it would leave him a nasty scar, forever marking him and serving as a cruel reminder of the events of this morning.

he shook his head to clear his thoughts and keep himself conscious as he looked around, taking in his surroundings for the first time since he left his apartment. he didn't know exactly where he was.

"great. just great," he muttered breathlessly in korean to himself, voice scratchy and strained from all the sobbing he'd done about thirty minutes ago.

his legs felt weak and wobbly, so he slowly lowered himself onto the dirty ground, sitting on the concrete and pulling his legs up to his chest, clutching his head as he began to feel dizzy, not able to focus his sight on any one thing.

in his fragile state of mind, the poor boy let his father's words cloud his thoughts.

"it's all your fault," echoed in his mind over and over like a mocking mantra and he let them cut into him again, this time traveling to his eyes, where the cuts let the tears bleed out. he suddenly found himself sobbing once more, shaking and pitying himself, which didn't help his already-ragged breathing in the slightest.

"it's all my fault," he whispered to himself with his busan satoori. "what's wrong with me? why do i have to always ruin everything?"

[+]

jungkook wandered around aimlessly for what seemed like hours. he had no idea where he was going, but he knew better than to tread back to his 'home', not like he knew the way anyway.

he passed shop after shop, person after person, looking at nothing but the ground as the early sun started to shine down on him. it couldn't have been later than seven o'clock, and he had no idea what he was to do with all this time on his hands, let alone where he was to go. so he just walked and walked until his every step shot a sharp pain up his thin legs.

he looked in shop windows to pass the time, wishing he had some sort of music to entertain him. when he was younger, he used to love music. he listened to every kind in existence, but for some reason he always had a fondness for acoustic music, soft and slow comforting and meaningful. he found it a bit ironic, to say the least, how he would seek solace in the best of times in his life, only to lack it when he was at his worst.