솔지기 세상워아는 올린적 없어.
honestly, i've never fit in in this world.the library was silent and peaceful, just like jungkook liked it, as he waited lunch out like he had been every day for nearly three weeks now, helping alice out instead of facing his fears.
he felt oddly at ease, even though there was a beautiful girl sitting so close to him submerged in one of the many books she'd taken out of the shelves that she wanted to read, her hair falling in her face and her having to push it back behind her ear ever so gracefully every now and then.
he still felt the surges of electricity, the nervous tingles and the speeding up of his heart and lungs any time she would even so much as look at him, but something had shifted in their blossoming relationship.
jungkook was more comfortable with her now, he'd noticed. he'd learned how to refrain from stumbling on his words more than he'd ever been able to before. he found himself being more and more comfortable with her as time went by. he was somehow miraculously able to more freely converse with her, and he didn't have to be quite as careful when selecting what words to say.
of course, his anxiety always persisted, and he was still insecure, and he would still hold his breath for a moment whenever the girl was closer to him than usual, or when she'd playfully touch him, but something was definitely different. a good different, though.
he'd thought long and hard about it, because he had the habit of letting his mind go off on analytical tangents that seemed to have no possible end. but this time, he thought he'd reached some sort of resolution.
he'd decided that it must've been the way she looked when she walked into mrs. caroline's office, her eyes filled with concern, how vulnerable and even scared she'd looked. he'd replayed that moment time and time again in his mind, trying to find any hint of a flaw or motive in her actions and manner, but found none. no one could fake the raw emotion that was portrayed in every worried wrinkle that formed on her face. she looked like her heart was breaking in that moment, and out of worry for... him.
she did all she could in that moment, when she undoubtedly saw that he was breaking even more than her in that vulnerable, exposed state of his. she'd offered him the comfort, the physical embrace that symbolized the care and help he'd always been too scared to verbally ask for. she could just tell. she could see it in his eyes; there was no doubt about it. and she didn't hesitate to give it to him as she wrapped her arms around his freezing form.
and then she'd uttered those words. those five simple words that he was positive he'd never heard before.
"i hope you're okay."
jungkook didn't even realize until that exact moment that those were the words he'd been waiting, craving, praying to hear from anyone. he always thought it would be foolish to even consider that anyone felt any sort of compassion towards him, but here it was. and it came so suddenly.... and genuinely, he'd decided.
he was still having extreme difficulty believing it all because it was so far fetched, so damn surreal. he was still wrestling with his insecurity and anxiety that were on a tag team against him in the ring that was his mind, throwing punches at him and his shortcomings in his face, saying anything they could to convince him that he was too worthless to be cared for by anyone. and he was letting them get to him for several days, to the point where he was too embarrassed to even look alice in the eyes and he'd hightail it out of mr. harvey's classroom as soon as the bell sounded. but the thing was, alice would always catch up to him, always call his name, always smile widely at him with those glittering, baby blue eyes without any sort of hesitation.

KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
wonderland 「 jungkook 」
Fiksi Penggemar❝ you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, i believe, is why you are in so much pain. ❞ 一 lewis carroll, alice's adventures in wonderland best ranks: #5 in fanfiction, #...