Learning To Live

Chapter 12

~Kellin~

I was on my way to my father's. I brought one of Vic's jackets with me but I was wearing my own clothes. It was now Wednesday. I had planned on going last Saturday but I didn't want to leave, Monday was full of anxiety and Tuesday was off limits because he would be home all day. Vic stayed home claiming he didn't need to be at school. My phone started ringing in my jacket pocket and I grabbed it to see who it was. Vic's name and number flashed across the screen and I smiled as I answered it.

"Are you there yet?" He asked anxiously.

"Almost. I'm about to walk onto my street." My house was the second on the road.

"Okay. Be safe please and call me if I need me to come get you." He stated sternly.

"Yes sir." I said while laughing and soluting the empty air in front of me.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you're acting like a parent."

"Hmmm. Okay." He was silent for a moment.

"I can hear you smirking." I laughed.

"I was not!"

"I bet you were."

"Why don't you let me come get you and then you won't have to bet anything. You could see for yourself." He said. He sounded slightly sad.

"As tempting as that sounds, I cant. I need to go to my house."

"You still consider that a home? Really Kellin?" I cringed and thought of what I could say but my mind blanked.

"Please don't yell at me..." I was starting to tear up and I was very confused. He was the one scaring me but I still wanted to go back so he could comfort me. I don't get it. Oh my god, is this how an abusive relationship starts? I mean, he's not wanting me to leave, keeping me from my home and parent. Holy shit... No Kellin, don't think like that! He tries to protect you, he wouldn't hurt you.

"I said I was sorry. Are you okay? Please answer me." He said frantically but still softly.

"Um yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"Ew... thinking is gross." He said jokingly. I laughed and so did he. "Okay." He said relieved.

"What?" I was confused. I hadn't said anything before for him to agree with, so I'm not sure why he said okay.

"Nothing. You. I don't know." He fake laughed.

"Don't fake laugh," I began sadly. "what do you mean?"

"You laughed. I was worried because I scared you but you laughed. I feel a bit better now." I walked up to the front door and unlocked it using the key on my lanyard. When I walked in, my father was laying on the couch.... with a girl laying on him.

"Oh my god." My hand flew to my mouth.

"Kellin, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I shook my head, although he couldn't see me, and backed up outside of the door. "Hello? Kellin, please answer me."

"Oh, um yeah, sorry. Listen, I gotta go." I pulled the phone away from my ear and I could hear him protest. I stared at the closed door and put my phone in my pocket. It rang again and I sighed but put it back to my ear. I couldn't ignore him, although I really wanted to.

"Please don't do this."

"I can't talk." I said numbly.

"Kellin, you're already getting depressed again. Please just let me come get you."

"No, dont." I said quickly. I didn't want him here. I'll be fine, I can handle this.... I think.

"At least talk to me then."

"I need to go... bye."

"Kellin! If you hang up, I'm coming to get you. I'll make you a deal. You don't have to talk, at least keep me on the phone. You can put it in your pocket, just please don't hang up. Please." He was panicking and I wanted so badly to calm him down.

"Okay. I'll put the phone in my pocket. I'll talk to you when I get to my room." I said softly.

"Your room? Kellin, your room should be here with me, not there."

"But this is my house so of course my room would be here." I felt no emotions as I put my hand back on the door handle.

"Kellin, stop saying that's your home. It can be where you live but it sure as hell is not a home. That place is broken and I don't want you to be trapped when it falls." He was frustrated and sounded angry but I didn't cringe or tense. Honestly, if something were to happen to me, I wouldn't care.

I'm done.