Learning To Live

Chapter 19

~Kellin~

"Hey Kellin?" I was laying against Vic with my head on his shoulder.

"Hmm?" I acknowledged sleepily.

"Serious question time?"

"Sure." I mumbled. I just wanted to go to sleep but I didn't want to be rude so I tried to hold a conversation with him.

"Will you go out with me?" I sat up, now wide awake.

"What?"

"Will you-"

"No, no. I heard what you said." I interrupted.

"Oh, okay." We sat in silence for a while. After a few minutes he sighed and stood up to grab his phone off the dresser. "We dont have school tomorrow. They canceled it." He spoke in monotone as he trudged toward the door. "Hey Kellin?" I looked up at him and nodded as I played with my fingers. "Don't worry about it." He walked out of the room. My eyes filled with tears and my face fell into my hands. I cried for a while until he eventually came back into the room. He didn't acknowledge me and instead just walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I heard him sniffling so I walked up to the bathroom door. Metal clinked on the tile floor and I realized what was happening immediately.

"Hey Vic?" I spoke relatively softly.

"Im going to the bathroom." He voiced from the other side of the door.

"Please unlock the door." I wiggled the handle.

"Im using the bathroom!"

"No you're not."

"Go away Kellin." I sighed and looked around the room until I saw his wallet sitting on the desk. I grabbed a card out of it and used it to turn the lock. He covered his arm quickly as I entered the room and then looked up at me. I saw letters on his arm but I wasn't able to read them before he pulled his arm back into his sleeve. He gripped his sleeve tighter as I stepped towards him and crouched down. His fist tightened but when I tried to move it, it relaxed at my touch. I pulled the sleeve back and there were words littered all over his skin. Some old, but some fresh and still bleeding.

'Worthless'
'Fat'
'Ugly'
'Unlovable' were all done within the last week and the newest one 'unwanted' was just created.

I stood up and walked to the sink to grab a wash cloth and I wet it with the now running water. Water dropped from his arm and fell to the ground, a now light red color, as I dabbed the blood away.

"Kellin, please leave." He whispered, still staring at his arm.

"Why?"

"Because I..." He didn't finish the sentence.

"What? Want to cut more? Cry more? What?"

"Both." I nodded and set the rag down so I could dry my hands off before I rolled my sleeves up.

"Go ahead." He looked at me and with a gloomy expression. I had taken off the wrap and my arms were free of bracelets. If he would have looked down then he would've been able to see every mark on my arms clearly; but he didn't. He continued to look at my face, not willing to look down.

"Im not going to hurt you just because I feel bad."

"You already did." I said, slightly irritated.

"Kellin, I..." he stuttered. "Why are you so pissed? You did it too."

"It's different." I looked away from him and shook my head as I played with my fingers in my lap.

"How?"

"Because I actually give a shit about you!" I walked out of the room and sat on the bed again. I need to go to Gabe's. This whole time I've been here I've been ignoring everything. I have a fucking job for christ's sake! I need to go up there today before they close to see if theyll let me work still because i will despereately need the money soon.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom door yet again. Vic was sitting in the same place staring at the floor. I sat back down beside him and looked at him until he glanced up at me.

"Hi..." he said quietly.

"Hi..." I laughed lightly and he visibly relaxed. Everytime something is wrong, he'll do some stupid shit and it makes it better.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"God i hate that question." I rolled my eyes and sighed. He just half-laughed and moved closer to me so he could wrap his arm around me in a hug.

"Im sorry I-"

"Dont." I interrupted and he nodded.

"Okay."

"Hey, can you drive me somewhere?"

"Um. Yeah, sure. Where?" He put his chin on my shoulder to look at me.

"My job... i think."

"You have a job?"

"Possibly."

"Uh.... sure?" He started to stand up but I tightened my grip around his waist.

"In a minute." He nodded and relaxed against the wall again. I was thinking about too many things. I knew I was going to be fired anyways so there was no reason to rush.

I cared about him more than I did myself. I can't go a day without him. I love him, I know this. I can't say it thought because he will take advantage of it. But he is different and I know this too. It's just that too many things are happening at the moment so I'll wait until things calm down. I felt his lips against my cheek so I turned and smiled at him.