Learning To Live

Chapter 18

~Kellin~

"Kellin?" All of my thoughts shattered and fell to the ground around me. I quit scratching and wiped my eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Vic?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't be mad at me." I sat on my hands but the urge to rub my arm against my shirt arose. I still wanted the feeling of it.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head and tried to stop crying. I moved my arm across the side of my shirt and he sat beside me on the bed. I made him mad. He's going to be done with me and I'm not going to have anyone left. "Stop." I looked up at him and he put his hand against my arm so id stop moving it.

"But..." he tilted his head to one side. I looked back down at my lap. What was I supposed to say? I wasnt done being a brat? That my arm wasn't fucked up enough or I needed more time for my pity party? No matter what I told him it would all end the same; he would be done with me.

"Stop it. Look at me." I shook my head but I didn't want to make anything worse so I looked back up at him. He looked disappointed. I started crying again and looked back down at my legs. "Aw, come here." He pulled me into his lap and I craddled my arm to my stomach. I couldn't let him see it because if he saw how bad it was he would be so mad. He rubbed my back in an attempt to calm me down. I pulled my arm away from me to look at what I did, trying to see how bad it was. "So that's why the bandage was on the floor. Alright. You're okay." I cried harder and put my face to his chest.

I sniffled and my body shook. "Hey, calm down." I couldn't. I was beyond terrified of how he would react after I was relaxed again. If he makes me leave then I don't know what I would do.

"I can't." He rocked me back and forth and put his lips to my hair.

"Okay. It's alright, you're okay." I couldn't be. He's going to be so pissed when I stop crying. How does he hide it so well and why isn't he yelling at me?

"Could you sing to me?" There was a short pause. "Please?" He started to hum the song he was singing in the shower and I could feel the sound in his chest. I put my hand over his chest and felt it along with his heartbeat, the steady rhythms starting to soothe me slightly. When it got to the chorus of the song, he started singing the words to it and I relaxed more against him. The soft vibrations from his voice made me lose concentration. I was no longer focusing on the lingering feeling on my arm, i was instead turning my attention to the way he was pronouncing every word and how the little rasps in his voice kept peeking through.

He finished one song and I started to get scared again so he started a new one. He would take large gasps of air every once in a while and I would move with his breaths. By the time he was nearing the end of the second song I was starting to drift off to sleep. "You okay?" I nodded and sighed before curling up to him more. "alright." He stood up and was carrying me across the room.

"What?" I picked my head up and he set me down on the counter in the bathroom.

"We need to clean and rewrap it." He said in a blank voice.

"Oh... you're not going to yell at me?"

"Should I?"

"Well I don't know. I just didn't expect you to be okay with-"

"Whoa... no, I'm not okay with it. I just can't get mad. That would be hypocritical." He walked to the edge of the tub and grabbed an already open first aid kit.

"Did you...?" He nodded and wet a clean washcloth. After he washed it off I started feeling guilty. He rewrapped it and secured the tape at the end of the gauze. "I'm sorry..." I looked down at my hands and picked at my nails.