Meeting Ryker / BoyxBoy / Extremely melodramatic

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

I'll show you self destruction.

(TRIGGER WARNING)

Rykers POV.

Im lonely. Because, thats what i am. Alone. Im sitting on a bench in an abandoned park, at 1:37 am. Rems isn't bothering me much, because he knows what I'm feeling inside. At least thats what I'm guessing. And Danny.. God, knows where he is. Maybe at home, maybe at the hotel, maybe some where else. I don't know.

As I sit I watch crows land in the field in front of me. Their black feathers were shimmering with the light of the moon. They pecked at the long grass. As i watched, my heart started speeding. Suddenly, and unintentionally. I sat back in the creaky bench, and tried to calm it. I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. The stars were shining bright again tonight. Last night went on through the day, no sight of Danny, just sights after sights of myself, and some how at 12:11 am i made my way here. Ive moped around, and ached. My heads on fire but, my bodies fine. For now that is.

Theres a pocket knife in my back pocket, that i take where ever i go. I feel deep in my own pity enough to consider harming my own body. Ive stooped low. Ive never felt the way i do right now, before. Ive got anxiety, and sadness wrapped up in my bodies packaging. Ive felt worry, ive felt sorrow, just not both, like this. Theres a point I can get too at times where theres no hope in my head. But never has it gotten so past that point like this. Ive never been like my split personality. He's beyond the point of insanity, enough to want to kill others and himself, which in turn will kill me as well. Ive never thought of suicide like he has when hes in my head.

I reached into my pocket and rubbed my pointer finger across the sharp end of the blade. Then pulled it out of my pocket, and sat silently again, in this bench.

As i twirled the knife in my hands, i heard some leaves crunch behind me. I didn't acknowledge it.

I ran the blade across my arm, and felt almost nothing. It was long. Almost touching the three scratches i got from my dream. The cut. And bleeding. I rolled down my sleeve, and put my knife back into my pocket.

"Why must you be so cruel to yourself?" My heart stopped, and i felt my whole body go cold.

I felt Danny's warm hand touch my shoulder as he finished walking up behind the bench. "..That was the hardest thing ive ever had to do..." He said, voice shaking a little. I winced. "Watching you harm yourself.." He continued.

There was a long pause before i found the strength to speak up. "Then whyd you do it?"

"I was waiting. Waiting to see if youd actually do it.. I know ive left you alone. For more than forever now... Im sorry for that. I shouldve been there for you. I wont leave you again..."